The only college course you'll ever need

Instructor’s office hours: Fridays, 8 a.m. to 10 a.m.
Instructor’s office: 21°18′32″N 157°49′34″W

Course Objectives
1. Learn to get by with little effort
2. Learn terms and concepts to converse like a college graduate
3. Gain an understanding of life in and out of college
4. Understand the path to becoming a college dropout “great”

Course Requirements
Mid-term and final exams; one 20-page research paper on related subject

Required Texts
1. Oh, the Places You’ll Go! by Dr. Seuss (inevitably a graduation present, but why wait? Get a head start.)
2. Wikipedia
3. Google
4. A “Dummies” guide pertaining to your career choice
5. Can I Wear My Nose Ring to the Interview?: A Crash Course in Finding, Landing, and Keeping Your First Real Job by Eileen Gordon Reeves

Grading Policy
Here's how to ace the course--or not:
A: Book-to-blog deal, contract for reality show series OR 1 million Twitter followers
B: Guest appearance on The View, Oprah, Meet the Press, The Daily Show or The Colbert Report, NPR’s Fresh Air; 250K Twitter followers; cover profile in major national magazine, such as New Yorker, Esquire or Vanity Fair; blog gets 250K visitors a month; OR 250K views of your YouTube video (family friendly!)
C: 10K followers on Twitter, 10K views of your YouTube video (family friendly!); OR blog gets 10K visitors a month
D: Whining
F: Helicopter parents inquire about your grade or other course issues

Attendance Policy:
Limited to 2 unexcused absences—not to be treated as floating holidays! If you are absent, please indicate the following number—and not "Hey, did I miss anything important?"— in subject of e-mail:

1. Blew off the class.
2. Alarm clock didn’t go off.
3. Spaced out.
4. Took my roommate/friend to the ER.
5. My parents took the whole family to Disney World for a week. Sorry, they made reservations a year ago and couldn’t change it.
6. I had a gynecological issue.
7. Threw my back out while typing on my laptop.
8. My meds.
9. I had to go home because a) my mother’s parakeet died, b) I had a cold and wanted my mother to care for me, c) my father’s country is under attack, d) I needed to chillax, or e) my bff is home from college.
10. Bedbugs
11. Dog died. Again. RIP.
12. Whatevs - LOL

Plagiarism Policy
Please review the school’s guidelines on academic dishonesty in the student handbook.
Excuses that have been tried but never work:

1. Really?
2. Those were my notes. They must have gotten mixed up with what I was writing.
3. I don’t know how that happened.
4. I didn’t realize I had to turn in the actual assignment.
5. My other professors don’t mind when I plagiarize.
6. Why would I plagiarize?
7. No way! I wrote that myself.
8. You never said that we couldn’t.
9. In my country/high school, plagiarism is OK.
10. Oops, I printed out the wrong file.
11. So?

Course Schedule
Week 1: Embracing change and adversity: Welcome back!
Week 2: Appearances: Look like you’re working it
Week 3: From party pics to snarky comments: How to wipe out your damaging digital footprint on the Internet
Week 4: The Daily Show & Colbert Report: Which part is the news?
Week 5: Tattoos & Body Piercings
Week 6: Internships & other resume fodder
Week 7: Leadership: Becoming mayor on FourSquare
Week 8: Grad School: Waste of Money? Buying time?
Week 9: Which reality series is the right vehicle for your career?
Week 10: How to make money on eBay, in Las Vegas or on Craigslist
Week 11: Happiness: Pros & cons
Week 12: After vampires and Harry Potter: Be the next Stephenie Meyer or J. K. Rowling
Week 13: Can you drop out of college and get rich like Bill or Mark?