My boss doesn't like me!

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from hockeywife. Show hockeywife's posts

    My boss doesn't like me!

    I know, I know, I sound like a whiny child.  But, it's true.  She never speaks to me, other than to say "good morning" in response to my greeting.  It wouldn't be so bad if she was just quiet, but she's always chatting with the other women in my department.  I know from another person I used to work with that she treated her the same way.  I know I should probably just ignore it & consider it her problem, but it's awkward when others are around & she goes out of her way to talk to them; I feel like people are saying "Wow, she didn't even acknowledge her!"  So, do I pretend it doesn't bother me, when it clearly does, or look for another job (I know, nearly impossible in this climate)? 

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from dog-lady. Show dog-lady's posts

    Re: My boss doesn't like me!

    Well at least she says "good morning", it could be worse!  Are your employee performance reviews good? If they are... I wouldn't worry about it, maybe she just has more in common with the other women, focusing on this could derail you, just concentrate on doing your job to the best of your ability, be pleasant, bring in donuts or a coffee cake once a week.  The rest should fall into place.  Good luck.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from ambergirl. Show ambergirl's posts

    Re: My boss doesn't like me!

    I am assuming you work in the corporate world?  If so, think of it like high school.  I have dealt with many managers like that in my career.  Best to be ignored as they are insecure people that unfortunately are given a position of management with no obvious training.  Sorry Dog lady, but i would not advice bringing food in.  I personally hate that practice.  Some people are on diets, have allergies etc.  Plus it makes you look like a brown nose.  Plenty of those going around in offices, don't need one more.

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from ambergirl. Show ambergirl's posts

    Re: My boss doesn't like me!

    And playing favorites is not acceptable when you are a manager.  Period.  Her behavior is rude, unprofessional and boorish.  Shame on her.  Ignore her. 
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: My boss doesn't like me!

    The others all have made great comments, but let me add something about what the others "are thinking."  They aren't.  Everyone is so focused on their own relationship with the boss, they don't have time or energy to notice yours.  So, with respect to how others see it, you're creating awkwardness in your own mind about that.  No one cares about your relationship with the boss especially if it doesn't threaten their own.

    This will change soon enough.  These situations always do, for better or worse.  Either you or she will be promoted, move to another project, or leave the company in due time.  

    Until then, do your job and try to understand that not every personality is going to mesh with every other personality.  Don't imagine awkwardness that isn't there, and last but not least, don't assume she hates you.  

    Watch Seinfeld episode 45, "The Wallet."  Pay special attention to the conversation Jerry has with his mother about someone not liking him and what Jerry's attitude is about it.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from dog-lady. Show dog-lady's posts

    Re: My boss doesn't like me!

    I never considered bringing in bagels in the morning to share with my coworkers "brown nosing"... just a thoughtful gesture that most people appreciate whether they partake or not!      PS: I'm talking about once a week (not every day)!  I find others tend to reciprocate and bring in stuff too, nice way to start the day...coffee and a muffin at the first meeting!

     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from ambergirl. Show ambergirl's posts

    Re: My boss doesn't like me!

    You are bringing it in because you don't have the issue the poster does.  She is clearly uncomfortable with her boss and all of a sudden bringing in donuts looks like brown nosing. And I do not find it thougtful. It is obnoxious. That is my opinion!!

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: My boss doesn't like me!

    Don't bother bringing in donuts.  You will annoy those who are on diets or who have dietary restrictions, and those who enjoy them will come to feel entitled to them and you'll never be able to stop bringing them [or you'll have to listen to constant complaints if you forgot one time].

    I agree w/ what others have posted. No one notices that the boss doesn't say more than 'good morning' to you.  She is your boss. She does not need to be your friend or even friendly to you. Unless and until you have a serious problem w/ her [she doesn't tell you about meetings, she doesn't assign you enough or quality work, or she gives you undeserved bad evaluations], just continue to be civil and polite, do your job, and go home.  Look for something at another company or in another department if it  really botherss you. 

    There is also a good  chance that the isn't even aware that she is doing this.  There is nothing you can say to her about it either w/o looking like a wackadoodle, which I am guessing you are not. 
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from ambergirl. Show ambergirl's posts

    Re: My boss doesn't like me!

    I agree pretty much with what you say Alf, but I don't agree with the doesn't need to be friendly to you. If she is ignoring her to the point it is obvious and uncomfortable, then that is unprofessional. To me a manager should be a leader. Not talking to certain people you are in charge of strikes me as mean.  But that is just me.  And yes, she should not bring it up, look for a better department or job.  But in this economy that is easier said then done..
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from hockeywife. Show hockeywife's posts

    Re: My boss doesn't like me!

    Thanks everyone; I appreciate your suggestions and even had a few laughs at some!  I've never "brown-nosed" to get anywhere in my career, and I'm certainly not going to start now.  This job works for me for personal (family) reasons, so for now I really can't go anywhere, assuming I could find something else.  I'll just ignore her "boorish, unprofessional" behavior as best I can, continue to be pleasant and professional, as I always have, and not stoop to her ridiculous level.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: My boss doesn't like me!

    My bosses don't necessarily go out of their way to talk to me. They say good morning and hello if I say something to them. My immediate boss is a chatterbox and she will chat, but her boss sometimes doesn't respond to hellos, etc. When she took over, she warned people that sometimes she is lost in thought or just in a bad mood and to not take it personally. Even if she hadn't, it wouldn't bother me. She talks to me when she has a reason to talk to me, but is generally just polite.  I guess I just don't see the problem.  If the woman is civil [and returning hellos and good mornings is civil to me], that's all you can really ask for. I've had some hellacious bosses before; sometimes people not talking to you is a good thing! 

    I guess I guess I just don't get the whole 'need to be friends with my boss' thing. I actually prefer to work with only men b/c this is far less of a problem w/ them.  You don't need to be buddy/buddy w/ male bosses and coworkers - you just need to do your job. With female bosses/co-workers, you need to be 'friendly' to get work done.  Drives me bonkers.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: My boss doesn't like me!

    I agree with ALF; bosses don't owe friendships to her staff.  She is pleasant - she says, "Good morning," and doesn't create a "hostile work environment" even if the OP feels a little slighted because the boss is friendlier to others.

    As far as bringing food in, if that's the culture of the office, meaning that there's a rotation that everyone participates in, she should definitely participate in the rotation and bring them in on her turn.  Otherwise, it would be an obvious attempt to remedy a situation that really doesn't need remedying.

    I also agree with ALF that when you're actually friends with your boss it can cause more problems than you think it will solve.  I was truly friends with one of mine once, and while it was great for all the reasons you wish you had a friendlier relationship with yours, it was terrible in another.   He promoted me to a position I couldn't handle.  I even told him it was a bad idea because it would be too far over my abilities, and he didn't listen because he thought I could do it and personally wanted me to be able to do it; I think his judgement was clouded by our friendship.  I ended up hating my career because I was honestly over my head for too long - it was SO stressful!  And, when he moved to another project and I got a new boss, that one wasn't too pleased to have me in the position I had because it was over my head.  What a mess!

    So, I hope you can take some joy in your cordial yet not overly friendly relationship with your boss; you have it much easier than you think you do for it.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from miscricket. Show miscricket's posts

    Re: My boss doesn't like me!

    First..don't take it personally. As long as you can communicate with her on a professional basis when needed then the friendly chit chat is not needed. Trust me..I have been on the opposite end of that..where a boss I had was too friendly..and that is worse. I like to keep professional and personal separate as much as possible.
    If your job makes you happy and your coworkers are nice then carry on as you are until either makes you unhappy. Keep telling yourself the issue is with her..not with you.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from smurfinho. Show smurfinho's posts

    Re: My boss doesn't like me!

    Perhaps you should focus on building some professional rapport. You can ask her for feedback every once in a while to demonstrate your commitment to the comapny's objectives. This may work two fold: You will be more in tune with your boss and she will know what you are working on, reducing any skepticism on her part. We recently wrote about this http://academy.justjobs.com/ask-for-feedback to help employees do better at work. I hope it helps. - Erich
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from cedrikduncan011. Show cedrikduncan011's posts

    Re: My boss doesn't like me!

    Maybe there is something that she don't like on you that's why she is not talking to you ,in Helsinki where i am a customer service expert or asiakaspalvelukeskus i have a co work mate that don't really talk to me and i ask her one time that what is the reason why she ignore me and she said everything.Maybe ask your boss if there is a attitude that she don't like on you?

     

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