posted at 8/7/2007 1:43 PM EDT
We invited exactly 200 and had 156 guests. But we had a lot of out of towners and a few people couldn't come as they got ill in the weeks before the wedding. I was told by one venue to expect 12-20%. We were closer to 25%.
posted at 8/7/2007 2:04 PM EDT
We originally invited 200 people with many OOT guests - did STD's so they could make plans and come up. Many of them were replying no and so did some locals so we made it to our "B" list (some of IL's friends). Some of the B list came, some did not. In the last 2 weeks, we had 3 people who had to back out (1 was GM's wife who had to be out of the country last minute for a family issue and my parents' friends whose first granddaughter was born and they had promised to be there the first two weeks). We then had a couple that no-showed, but we didn't figure it out until the day after the wedding. Turns out the wife was suddenly gravely ill a few days before and she passed away about a month after. Final total was around 140 - much lower than we expected (we were thinking 160).
posted at 8/7/2007 2:08 PM EDT
There were only 3 people who RSVP'd yes that didn't come to the wedding. One couple, her father passed away two days before so she let my MIL know they couldn't make it. And the other actually came to the ceremony but felt sick and went home so he never made it to the reception.
For the invites, can't remember the exact numbers anymore but, we invited around 230 and had about 190 come. HTH!
posted at 8/7/2007 2:22 PM EDT
We invited around 150 and had just over 100 RSVP yes. The day before the wedding a friend of my husband's called to let us know he was not going to be able to attend. That was our only no-show. I was very (pleasantly) surprised as I'd heard from almost everyone I know who has had a wedding of several people who just didn't show up.
posted at 8/7/2007 3:04 PM EDT
Looking at my RSVP list - I was CONVINCED that everyone would come.
Like any of those friends/family would bail at the last minute.
Turns out, we had 5 no-shows ... and only one had a real (bad back) excuse.
The other two had rsvp'ed with a guest. A double whammy.
posted at 8/7/2007 3:51 PM EDT
i think its hard to judge the "no show" rate. several factors to consider: friday nites people are less inclined to show. peak seasons like may/june people may not show due to other social obligations, if its a long weekend, etc.
after the RSVP cut of date, you should expect to have a more firm number that needs to go to the caterer. you may or may not have people "no show" the day of the wedding after the final count is in the caterer due to unforseen circumstances.
posted at 8/7/2007 8:17 PM EDT
I would check with your caterer or venue to figure out if it's easy to add meals/seats if people show up at the last minute. At my venue, the coordinator told me it's easier to add (the kitchen always orders more food than the exact #, and of course they can always charge your credit card for the extra cost!), but once I gave them the final count, they couldn't remove any from the final cost.
We didn't have anyone not show up out of the blue, but we had 1 person who had to cancel due to work a few days beforehand (but of course after I had already given the final count).
posted at 8/7/2007 10:41 PM EDT
We had 2 no-shows. One broke her ankle the morning of, and 1 was an "and guest" - no idea what happened there.
posted at 8/8/2007 8:46 AM EDT
232 responded yes
230 showed up and the couple that did not....he was truly sick
posted at 8/8/2007 12:02 PM EDT
We had a total of 10 no-shows: 4 were his friends...totally clueless, etiquette-wise. No one was surprised they didn't show up.
But there were also 3 couples....we had seen 2 couples within the week before and they reiterated they "couldn't wait". Then, they just didn't show up...never a call or explanation. I was pretty shocked.
The final couple, his parents arrived unexpectedly from out of town....but still...could you at least call us?
So that was about 10% of our "yes" group. I think it was pretty unusual.....
So just because someone is educated, or is a doctor, or saw you the day before, you just never know! People are funny!
posted at 8/8/2007 12:31 PM EDT
Did you ever find out through the grapevine or otherwise why the people who "couldn't wait" didn't show? That is weird! Have you had any contact with them since the wedding?
posted at 8/8/2007 12:43 PM EDT
Yes, I've seen them all since. I have to admit, at first I was QUITE frosted about it, but 10 months later, i just shrug and say, "it is what it is...."
But to 2 of the couples, I did say, "we were so worried about you when you didn't show up. I was so glad to find out you weren't in an accident." Because, really, we were!!
One couple blamed it on "his knee", one on the sudden parents visit. The third couple, we didn't happen to see until about 6 months later. Her cancer has since recurred so puts the whole thing in perspective, eh? We' re just glad to see them at all!
posted at 8/8/2007 1:30 PM EDT
I understand where you're coming from. The couple who no-showed at ours is an elderly couple that have known my IL's for years. When we saw the placecard left over the next day, we mentioned it to them (since the couple was so excited to go). They were glad we told them because the wife had passed out the week before and had been in the hospital. At that point, you just want to find out if they are okay, not why they stiffed you on the meals.
posted at 8/8/2007 2:42 PM EDT
We had two cancel the week of the wedding (legitimate), two the day before the wedding (legitimate), and 3 people who didn't show up on the day-of, none of whom called. Two of these were friends- one of whom I had to track down to get an RSVP, which was yes (but apparently not really)- and the last one was an "and guest" for my 16 year old cousin, which his mom asked me specially for, so that really ticked me off when he didn't show up with a date.
So total non-refundable no-shows was 7 out of 130 accepted invitations, a rate of 5%.
posted at 8/9/2007 10:13 AM EDT
I think you get a free pass for skipping the ceremony and extra kudos for trying hard to make time for everyone that day.
posted at 8/9/2007 10:15 AM EDT
In this situation you are torn, and I think you made the best of what you had. Normally I would not go to a reception if I didn't go to the ceremony but you have special circumstances. I think if you have let the brides know what is going on and how you want to support everyone (which you post says you did) then you are the clear.
Go to both, be happy and wish the new couples well.
posted at 8/9/2007 2:26 PM EDT
It is kind of rude to go to the reception and skip the ceremony. Either do all or nothing I say. It's totally understandable that you can't be in two places at once, but I suggest if you can't make both for each wedding, you should just choose one.
posted at 8/9/2007 4:09 PM EDT
Were the OP my friend I would be thankful for whatever time she could give me considering the special circumstances so I would not want her to choose one wedding or the other. Esp. since FI was a groomsman at the one where she is less familiar with the couple. She is supporting herr FI and both couples - I stand by the fact that that is admirable and not rude at all.
posted at 8/9/2007 9:52 PM EDT
I don't remember seeing anyone at my ceremony. It was such an excited haze. I imagine when I get the video I might be able to look for people in the seats, but most likely the couple won't know. Especially if you're not close with them (doesn't sound like you are since it's on the bf's "side but i could be wrong), and you have a legitimate reasone for not being there, I would think even if they find out they would understand.
I think when people skip ceremonys b/c it's too far away or too long or a gap btwn ceremony & reception, that's not right.
posted at 8/9/2007 10:27 PM EDT
i've been seeing "skipping the ceremony and going straight to the reception" with increasing frequency over the past 10 years. either go to the whole thing, or don't go at all!
posted at 8/10/2007 8:25 AM EDT
just to add to the subject.
I worked for years part time for a famiy caterer, and I was always, amazed, at the no shows, for wedding receptions, lots of food wasted, and a lot of money spent. people are hard to figure, but I can remember, those empty seats, and the look on the familys of the married couple. hope it works out for your future wedding, but be prepared.
posted at 8/10/2007 12:29 PM EDT
I'd have to agree there. It's fine if you can't go, then just don't go!
posted at 8/10/2007 12:53 PM EDT
I think it's great that you're making such an effort to attend both, and I'm sure your friends appreciate it.
It's not like you're skipping the church to be first in the bar line at the reception!!!
You're a thoughtful friend!
posted at 8/10/2007 2:29 PM EDT
Unless this was a thing with people just out of college (or still in school), I would find this highly insulting - who gets invited to show up after the meal? I'm glad that never happened to me - I'd be speechless.