Re: recovering from affair/abandonment
posted at 7/21/2011 8:14 AM EDT
Thanks for the update! I know it scks, but trust me, you ARE on the right track, and you'll keep progressing despite how slow and torturous the process might feel and how "miraculous" it seems to even think about being happy and hardly giving this a thought. That time IS coming...try to be patient with yourself as you work your way there. You've already noted for yourself that you are moving through the normal emotional stages of recovery so have confidence that you will continue to do so.
Given the steps you're taking and the progress you've made so far (in a relatively short time, right?), I know you will
arrive at happy again someday sooner than you think. You'll suddenly be aware that you aren't mired in pain anymore...I promise.
I can only speak to this because of my own divorce. My ex tried for a YEAR to actually get ME to say I wanted a divorce instead of just saying so when he wanted one. So, I spent that year trying to fix what couldn't be fixed (and what was getting progressively and purposefully worse) without knowing it...finally, I couldn't take it anymore and said with great fear, "I want a divorce." He said, "Phew, finally!!!"
I spent a year recovering, and "suddenly" was myself, again. Now, I'm very happily remarried, that old life far in the distance, hardly a thought. I thought that would be a miracle when I was going through hell, too, but here I am.
Keep doing what you're doing and soon you'll be surprised at how far you've come from a place you thought you'd be stuck forever.
P.S. I can also relate to immediately having more time and energy after being free of trying to fix an unfixable situation when it was over. I was sad, angry, etc., but I was also FREE from throwing every ounce of energy into a black hole, and that was something to celebrate.
Journaling (short daily entries of a sentence or two) helped me prove to myself that I was making progress toward the light at the end of the tunnel. Daily progress is small and many times imperceptible, but a month's worth is significant and undeniable, and if you have a record of your feelings and experiences to look back at you can be very encouraged about the next month of change you can expect to see.