caught in lies
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caught in lies
posted at 6/30/2009 10:21 PM EDT
- erick228
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I screwed up big time. Lied to the woman I love twice caught both times. We have been together almost a year and a half I know she is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don't know why I lied to her twice and its not excuseable. I just hope she will give me another chance. She says she can't trust me. I understand she has no reason to. Is there anyway I can help gain her trust again. I lied to her out of fear and didn't think things through. I just want to make things right. Any advice? -
Re: caught in lies
posted at 7/1/2009 9:04 AM EDT
- kargiver
- Posts: 21684
- First: 10/17/2005
- Last: 5/22/2013
The only thing you can do that will be effective is never lie to her again about anything. Trust can be rebuilt if she wants to rebuild it, but not if you keep lying.
If you lie and don't feel you have control of it, seek counseling. Not only will you explore ways to have control of the urge to lie (dealing constructively with your fears) you will show her you are 100% serious in arresting that unacceptable behavior.
If you lie but are totally in control of it, just stop. No excuses.
Give her room to be mistrustful. Be extra forthcoming about where you are and who you are with. Hide nothing. Lying by omission, or even the appearance thereof, will hurt your cause.
Good luck -
Re: caught in lies
posted at 7/2/2009 11:23 PM EDT
- TarheelChief
- Posts: 778
- First: 6/15/2008
- Last: 9/8/2011
You are aware lying is apparently part of our genetic makeup.
Read Genesis 3.It will open your eyes.
Thank heaven we have pretty low standards from birth.After all, Cain and Abel appeared.
You are also aware many animals know how to lie.For example, how about the bull elephant saying to his mate,you're the best.
I'm not saying we are less for being liars,I'm saying we are human. Now, those who cast the first stone,should stand up and check their memory banks before they say they will never trust you again.
Has anyone actually counted the number of times your own parents lied to you about various health measures or social measures.Do you think Mrs. Einstein was proud of Albert losing his way in math? -
Re: caught in lies
posted at 7/4/2009 2:52 PM EDT
- kargiver
- Posts: 21684
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- Last: 5/22/2013
It might be part of our makeup but what separates us from the animals is that we have mindful, thoughful, 100% self aware control of our actions. Adam and Eve chose poorly, but they didn't have to.
This poster obviously lied about something other than having taken out the trash when he didn't. It was obviously a relationship threatening thing. -
Re: caught in lies
posted at 7/5/2009 5:45 PM EDT
- lucy7368
- Posts: 2958
- First: 7/9/2008
- Last: 10/20/2010
There is no quick and easy way to rebuild trust. Stop lying, let her know you love her, and take it from there. -
Re: caught in lies
posted at 7/8/2009 12:29 PM EDT
- Missy509
- Posts: 0
- First: 7/9/2008
- Last: 10/20/2010
What are you lying about? -
Re: caught in lies
posted at 2/6/2012 7:07 PM EST
- RogerTaylor
- Posts: 1260
- First: 4/29/2010
- Last: 5/20/2013
Liars always lie and cheaters always cheat...
Move on and learn from your mistakes....
Oh yah, GROW UP!
Part of being in any relationship is "trust" to violate it is to say..."this relationship means little to nothing to me!"....and that is how you made her feel not once but TWICE! -
Re: caught in lies
posted at 2/6/2012 8:27 PM EST
- miscricket
- Posts: 2910
- First: 1/14/2011
- Last: 5/22/2013
In Response to Re: caught in lies:Liars always lie and cheaters always cheat... Move on and learn from your mistakes.... Oh yah, GROW UP! Part of being in any relationship is "trust" to violate it is to say..."this relationship means little to nothing to me!"....and that is how you made her feel not once but TWICE!
Posted by RogerTaylor
Bingo...well said ( as always)! -
Re: caught in lies
posted at 2/6/2012 9:48 PM EST
- RogerTaylor
- Posts: 1260
- First: 4/29/2010
- Last: 5/20/2013
Sorry, I read this "I screwed up big time. Lied to the woman I love twice caught both times." and I can't figure out what you are thinking.
If you love someone you don't lie to them - repeatedly!
Getting caught both times makes the offender - stupid, dumb or both!
I know a guy married 12+ years several kids, stay at home Dad who cheated on his wife and was caught TWICE!
Now, after the divorce, the guy is "depressed" - "poor me!".....why don't people stop and think about the consequences of their actions BEFORE they lie or cheat?
Stop and think about that domino effect of your actions, the collateral damage to the "innocent", and the fact that rebuilding trust in a relationship is near impossible after a betrayal of trust.
If there is an issue or issues in a relationship TALK and move forward or part as friends but, don't lie - it's hurtful at any age. -
Re: caught in lies
posted at 2/6/2012 9:59 PM EST
- reindeergirl
- Posts: 1824
- First: 1/3/2008
- Last: 2/2/2013
Monster thread! -
Re: caught in lies
posted at 2/8/2012 7:41 AM EST
- RogerTaylor
- Posts: 1260
- First: 4/29/2010
- Last: 5/20/2013
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Re: caught in lies
posted at 2/8/2012 8:26 AM EST
- plasko
- Posts: 670
- First: 5/31/2010
- Last: 11/20/2012
Lie 1: "No dear, your butt looks fine in that"Truth 1: "Its not the clothes that make your butt look big, its your huge butt"Lie 2:"Ofcourse I enjoy watching romantic comedies with you"Truth 2: "When does the baseball season start, I am dying here!"Everybody lies. I am sure this guys' must have been whoppers though. I do wonder what they were.Ofcourse from her point of view "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me". -
Re: caught in lies
posted at 2/8/2012 11:42 AM EST
- RogerTaylor
- Posts: 1260
- First: 4/29/2010
- Last: 5/20/2013
Agreed plasko! Everybody does lie - you offer great examples of "white lies" which have little to no effect on the "trust" involved in a relationship. A white lie is just another way of picking ones battles - You look great in that outfit versus Wow! that outfit really high lights how big your hips are! (Wife throws pan at husband's head!)
The poster here was lying to cover his cheating tracks....and got caught TWICE! -
Re: caught in lies
posted at 2/8/2012 4:29 PM EST
- howmuchwoodcouldawoodchuck
- Posts: 1
- First: 2/8/2012
- Last: 2/8/2012
Any advice?at least I waited 30 years to do this and it works out the sameall f'd updo not cheat again or do not commit again -
Re: caught in lies
posted at 2/8/2012 8:58 PM EST
- reindeergirl
- Posts: 1824
- First: 1/3/2008
- Last: 2/2/2013
RT,
Monster thread means ancient thread, where there's a possibility the OP isn't around to receive advice anymore.
Take it from me. The men love thigh-high boots and opera gloves. Especially when you remove them, inch by inch.