OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    From Friend or Foe on Slate.com:

    Dear Friend or Foe,

    After enrolling in law school, my friend "Tabitha" was diagnosed with some severe health problems, and her long-term boyfriend "Jake" broke up with her. Two years after the breakup, she continued to send me constant e-mails and text messages about her upset over Jake. I tried everything I could think of to help her move on—sympathizing with her, demonizing him, telling her she could find someone better, even giving her tough love. It got to the point where she steered every single conversation we had to how Jake ruined her life.

    Fast-forward to my upcoming wedding. Although she introduced me to my fiance—a friend of Jake's—I didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid because we also planned on inviting her ex. I didn't want any added stress or meltdowns. Apparently, now I'm the one who ruined her life, and I deserve to have my wedding ruined as payback: She threatened to buy a gun and hurt my fiance. This prompted me to look into getting a restraining order. When I told her about this, she immediately backed off, apologized, and admitted that she was just looking for attention. Tabitha also promised to leave us alone, so long as I didn't ruin her burgeoning law career.

    I want out of this toxic friendship for good. But how can I trust her to leave us alone after she demonstrated that she can't let go of things? Help!

    Sincerely,
    Trying To Move On

    you can read the response here, but I just couldn't resist sharing the letter.

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Txgrl82. Show Txgrl82's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    It sounds like the chick is just a nut that was saying things for the sake of saying them but you can never be too careful. 

    If it was me I would withhold as much information as possible from this person in regards to the wedding (ceremony and reception site/time) and make sure all my friends know to do the same.

    What is wrong with people??

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    Tabitha's got it backwards.  It's not "I'll leave you alone as long as you don't ruin my career."  It's "please, please, please don't report my psycotic behavior to the bar, and I'll go away forever.  Plus, here's $100 and a cookie."
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    LOL I saw that too Pink!  I pretty much always want to paste stuff from the Slate onto b.com to get all y'all's reactions :o)

    Clearly the non-BM is wacko, but this statement from the letter writer did seem a little odd to me: "I didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid because we also planned on inviting her ex. I didn't want any added stress or meltdowns."

    If someone is a close friend and you want her to be a BM, you ask her.  She is probably going to be upset about seeing the ex either way.  Why would you not ask her because she is going to be upset by the ex?  What does one thing have to do with another?
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Txgrl82. Show Txgrl82's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    Fra, it doesn't, but clearly Tabitha ain't right and the LW knows it and was trying to avoid excess drama...that's what it seems like anyway
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    I agree Txgrl, I think the LW had an inkling that the girl was unstable, but it's ironic that by not asking her in order to avoid drama, she caused a lot more drama than if she's just asked her to be a BM.
    But I think the LW's better off knowing what kind of person this girl is.

    Fra- yeah, there are frequently good wedding-related stories on there! I go mostly for the Double-x blog, tech articles, the movie reviews and Prudie, but I'm starting to really love Friend or Foe. :)

     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    I agree - she probably didn't want the wacko as a BM - period.  I just really didn't like that statement!  It would sound horrible... if the BM hadn't turned out to be a loony lol.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    Fram, I had the same reaction to that statement as you did.  "She can't be a BM because her ex will be there?  What?  Won't she be just as uncomfortable (and less distracted) if she's a regular guest?"
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    very true, and since she did introduce them it would be a slight, if the woman wasn't batty.

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Claddaugh. Show Claddaugh's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    I love the drama!! The more, the better (as long as I'm not involved in it). lol

    Does anyone watch Bridezillas? It's one of my guilty pleasures and it's starting up again in June. Can't wait to watch!!!
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from whatawagSBNy. Show whatawagSBNy's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    Anyone still obsessing and crying out for attention after 2 years has run about 8 red flags up the flagpole,  reason enough all by itself for not wanting her in a position to make life miserable throughout wedding events.

      Now to read it all.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    This reminds me, I totally introduced a couple that got married last year and they didn't even acknowledge it!  (Not that I expected a sign or a toast or anything lol.  I just realized it now.)

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from lucy7368. Show lucy7368's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    In Response to Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats:
    This reminds me, I totally introduced a couple that got married last year and they didn't even acknowledge it!  (Not that I expected a sign or a toast or anything lol.  I just realized it now.)
    Posted by framerican51008


    I introduced my best friend in high school to the man she married.  I wasn't even invited to the wedding.

    Then again, I was dating him when they met, so that could have something to do with it.  I still would have gone.  It was almost four years later.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    lucy- yes, I'm guessing that might be it. Sometimes the couple decides to keep the wedding ex-free. DH & I made that agreement.

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    DH and I went to high school together and hung around with some of the same people, so a no ex rule would have been tough!  We invited two of my exes... Although one really doesn't count; I think we "went out" in 7th grade.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    I had two "exes" there too. Both were guys I dated very briefly, then we decided we were better off friends. One of them introduced DH and me, and he played guitar for our ceremony!

    Actually, he and his girlfriend are coming Boston in a few weeks and probably staying at our house. 

    It's not as weird as it sounds, really. 
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    The no-ex rule is great for couples who think each other had no past and couldn't possibly be a friend with an ex.   Great if you're insecure! 

     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from Dani273. Show Dani273's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    OMG! All I can really say is WOW!!!! It's obvious that there is something off kilter about this person, but, again WOW!! And two years of dwelling over a guy is just way too long.

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    In Response to Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats:
    The no-ex rule is great for couples who think each other had no past and couldn't possibly be a friend with an ex.   Great if you're insecure! 
    Posted by cosmogirl


    I'm not insecure. You've got to make the cut somewhere when it comes to inviting friends to the wedding or you're going to go over budget or over space limits. It seemed like a logical place to draw the line, and DH agreed.

    Keep your judgements to yourself, cosmo.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    I love that Tabitha is pursuing a law career.  I'm sure that will go well!

    I think the LW is crazy if she even invites her to the wedding, let alone allowing her to be a BM.

    Here's an interesting ex thing - we didn't invite an ex of my DH's to our wedding, although they are still in touch.  About 6 months later she tells my DH she'd like to give us a wedding present: a week at her timeshare in Cancun.  I was hesitant at first (wondering if this were some sort of hidden quid pro quo situation) but in the end we took her up on it, had a wonderful time, and haven't heard from her since! I'll admit there was this part of me that was expecting to arrive in the timeshare only to find her sprawled out on the bed in her bikini.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from clc51510. Show clc51510's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    ha-ha Poppy, that would have made for an excellent story!  That was really nice and generous of her, but I'm with you, I would have been hesitant too.

    We don't have any ex's at our upcoming wedding.  It wasn't something we discussed it just happened that way.  I think it all depends on when you dated, how serious it was and how it ended.  It's also important that both parties are comfortable with that person.  I know that I have an ex that FI would not be comfortable having at the wedding.  He's tried to separate us before and we haven't been in touch since so it was a non-issue.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    In Response to Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats:
    ha-ha Poppy, that would have made for an excellent story!  That was really nice and generous of her, but I'm with you, I would have been hesitant too. We don't have any ex's at our upcoming wedding.  It wasn't something we discussed it just happened that way.  I think it all depends on when you dated, how serious it was and how it ended.  It's also important that both parties are comfortable with that person.  I know that I have an ex that FI would not be comfortable having at the wedding.  He's tried to separate us before and we haven't been in touch since so it was a non-issue.
    Posted by clc51510


    exactly, if it's non-issue, then why not? as I said, you've got to draw the line somewhere.
    Now if DH or I were especially close to an ex and considered them a good friend, we probably would have made a different decision. But as it was, while we count our exes as friends, we're not especially close- so it wasn't an issue.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: OT- Jilted bridesmaid makes death threats

    I see where Cos was coming from, but Pink makes an good point that there are other reasons for excluding exes too.

    It worked fine for us because, as I mentioned before, one of the guys was my "boyfriend" in 7th or 8th grade.  The other was a fairly serious relationship for about a year with a guy we're both friends with.  For whatever reason DH never really saw us as a couple, maybe hung out with us once on NYE, so it didn't feel weird to him.  I have no idea why, but this guy is pretty much the only ex that I have remained friends with.


    There were two other exes (one of his & one of mine) that we were on the fence about at one point, but didn't invite just to keep the list down... to a small 200 :o)

     

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