Wedding Gift - How much?

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from Chiclet831. Show Chiclet831's posts

    Wedding Gift - How much?

    I'm a long time lurker, first time poster. I just have an etiquette question I'm not sure about.

    I got married a few months ago. One of my husband's long-time friends, who was actually one of our groomsmen, gave us a very generous monetary gift. It was well above the average gift we received. Of course, we were very flattered by his generocity.

    Fast forward a few months and now this friend is getting married himself. While we would love to extend him the same generocity, I don't think we can afford it. We're definitely able to give him what I would call an average gift (around $100) but I just don't think it will be possible to match his. It's simply a question of financial security; our friend is in a much better place financially than we are. So I don't know if we just write him a check for what we can afford or if we should try to come up with a gift that matches his. Or would it be better to give him a non-monetary gift so that the disparity in value isn't so obvious?

    I should maybe tell you that I'm the type of person where everything has to be fair. I try to spend the same amount on both of my parent's for Christmas and birthdays, etc. It's really messing with me that I'm not able to do that now.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from Winter2011Bride. Show Winter2011Bride's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    I would simple give him what you can afford. 
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from cosmogirl. Show cosmogirl's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    I sympathize with your situation -- I'd probably feel the same way.

    I think giving them a gift instead of check might make you feel more comfortable.  It would eliminate the direct comparison aspect.  But of course just spend what you want to! 

    Good luck!
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Christinymarini. Show Christinymarini's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    I second what cosmo says.  It takes the direct comparison out of the picture. 

    Also, I'd hope there is no expectation on his end that you will definitely give the same.  I know I have been generous with some of my friends' wedding gifts, but do not expect them to reciprocate the exact dollar amount back to me for my wedding. 
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    Try to adjust your idea of what is fair.  It's NOT fair that you give a gift of equal monetary value as someone gave you if you cannot afford it.  That's not what gift giving is about.  What's FAIR is that everyone gives gifts they can afford.  Confusing fairness for a "t!t for tat" philosophy about gift giving kind of misses the point imo.

    Give what you can afford, give it with love, and you'll have done the fair thing.  If they feel slighted, that's a black mark on their character, not yours.

    If I were in your position (which I DO understand), I'd spend what we could afford but also put together something personal that cannot be assigned a monetary value. Do you do any special crafts?  Or, you could make candy - rum balls or something like that takes time but not kitchen prowess.  Anybody can do it, and they keep well...forever, I think.  lol  Put them in a pretty tin and include it with your purchased gift, and voila, you have a gift no one can compare to any other gift.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    I echo the others. Gifts are not given in expectance of reciprocity. Give what you can afford. It's the thought that counts, not the amount.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Chiclet831. Show Chiclet831's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    Thank you for your encouragement.

    I did speak to our friend's fiance over the weekend and she said that she was shocked at how generous people were with her shower gifts and that all they want is for people to have a good time. It's not them, it's me. :-) I will probably go with a gift and something handmade on top of that. I hadn't thought of it but I could put something together. Thanks for your suggestion, Kargiver!


     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    If you enjoy it and it works out well this time, maybe you could turn it into your own wedding gift tradition.  I have crocheted since I was 7 (over 30 years!) so I make a centerpiece doily with wedding bells and hearts in the pattern and buy something pretty to set on it.  Not that everyone can do that particular thing, but there are many crafts and hobbies that can make lovely gifts that are personal and that the couple will treasure because it came from your heart and your hands.

    Have you decided on what you want to do?
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Chiclet831. Show Chiclet831's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    I was thinking that I'd make them a wreath for their door with a "Welcome to the Smiths" type of sentiment. I haven't decided if I should do one neutral one or four different ones for the different seasons.

    I also crochet. If I had thought it about it earlier, I would have been able to make them an afghan. The doilies sound cute. Do you think I could find the pattern online?
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    Oh, I love your wreth idea!  Four would be nice, but I'd do smaller ones if I were making 4.  I think if it were me I'd focus extra attention on one season neutral one rather than 4 seasonal so I could really put my best into one.  But, that's just my take on it, of course.

    Let me see if I can find my wedding doily pattern.  I'll post a photo of it, anyway.  I've made them with all different size hooks - this one is the XLG!  (Photo to follow later.)
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    OK, here it is.  It's actually a Christmas doily - I guess the bells are Christmas bells, but with the hearts, I think it actually is MUCH more suited to a wedding.  Anyway, you can see it's #15 on the back cover of this Leisure Arts "magazine."  I got it years ago, but you can go to www.leisurearts.com and see if you can find it.










     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    holy cow, Kar! you made that?? I'm no good with crochet.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    Embarassed Thanks, Pink!  Yup, my great-grandmother and grandmother taught me to crochet from a pattern (a stuffed frog I still have) when I was seven so it's been 31 years.  It's easier when you're a kid, I think, to learn things like that.  I wouldn't have the patience to learn it now.

    P.S.  I've made the angel a few times on the front cover, too, and I kept one for the top of our Christmas tree.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from Winter2011Bride. Show Winter2011Bride's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    Kar that is awesome.  What a great talent.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    Kar, that crocheted dolly is absolutely beautiful! Can imagine it with hearts. I crochet, but not with as fine yarn as you must be using for the dollies. But I am going to try. What size needle are you using?
    I have 20 dollies to put in btw. dinner plates and soup or first course plates made by a great aunt of mine. They are beautiful. But after a guest decided to use it as a napkin and smeared lipstick all over it - I am not using them any more. Such a shame. - Pingo
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    pingo- somone used your doily as a napkin??? Some people seem like they were raised in a barn!
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    Thanks, ladies!

    Pingo, the hearts are in there - they are small, close to the edge, and alternate with the bells.  If anyone smeared lipstick all over my work I'd have a heart attack right at the table!!!  Did you get the stain out?  I'm so sorry she was so ignorant as to do that to your beautiful work!!!  The largest doily hook I've ever used is a size 0 (and is what I used to make the 13" doily I pictured here).  The smallest was probably a 7.  The doily hooks are numbered, not lettered like afghan hooks and get smaller as the numbers increase, as you probably know.

     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from Chiclet831. Show Chiclet831's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    That's beautiful, Kar! I will definitely need to look up that book! If not for this wedding, for those in the future. I don't trust my skills very much, but I think I can handle the doily. I'm too afraid to do something like a sweater that depends on sizing. I'm afraid I'll have a left arm that's too tight to get an arm in and a right arm that stops at the knees!
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    I hear you!  I did make a sweater for myself once, and while it's wearable, it does hang down to about mid thigh instead of at my waist, lol.

    The doily is a good pattern, no mistakes and nothing that you'd say, "Huh?!" about.  I've made it many times, and no matter how even my stitches are (my grandmother said I was like a machine) or what size my thread and hook are my edge of this one ruffles a little.  It just won't lie flat post-blocking no matter what I do.  Not that it matters, I guess, but I figured I'd let you in on that.  I recommend making it with a size 0 (very large) hook and heavy crochet thread and keeping it for yourself to get the hang of the pattern before using the size hook that will yield a smaller one to give as a gift.  The smaller it is, the harder it is to see, obviously, and the pattern is a lot easier to follow with confidence the second time you make it.  The large practice one will end up being about 13" across.  (We actually do use our big one for our wedding photo.)
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from trex509. Show trex509's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    Wow, Kar, that doily is amazing!  I'm so impressed, that must take a long time and it is quite intricate work!

    However, I have to admit, if someone gave me a doily I have no idea what I'd do with it.  I'd probably feel obligated to put it out in my dining room, but it would be totally out of place amongst my more modern taste.

    Chiclet:  If I were you, I'd make 1 nice wreath for them.  That is something I would love!  But just remember that not everyone's taste is the same, so don't be offended if they don't have it out all year round.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from beastsgirl. Show beastsgirl's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    Kar, really beautiful! You could start your own magazine with lifestyle/homemaking skills. You are truly talented. One of my favorite wedding gifts was a homemade embroided tablecloth. The thought, effort, and time was worth so much more to me than a check. bg
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    Trex, that's a great point.  I'd have to think of something else to give someone with a modern decor, but so far I haven't had to worry about it.  My inner circle is an old fashioned bunch!

    BG, thanks so much.  I am blessed to have the time, now, to pursue these things and to have a truly appreciative DH.  Can you post a photo of the embroidery?  I'd love to see it.

    Chiclet, did you decide on one or four wreathes? 

     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from pingo. Show pingo's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    Yes, Pink and Kar - someone really did that. I have never been able to get the stain out - even though I have tried to bleach it twice. It is so old and delicate, that I don't want to put it through that any more. I still have 19 left, but like Pink said, some people are really raised in a barn.
    I am considering placing them all together on a solid back ground and framing them. They are just too pretty to be tucked away. - Pingo
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    I have one more thing for you to try.  It gets stains out better than bleach.  Yes, technically it's carpet cleaner, but I've used it on everything, and I'd definitely try it myself on my own work.  It does an amazing job.  (It takes dye out of jeans, by the way so don't use it on denim.)

    Stain Rx

    Framing is a lovely idea!  I've had people frame mine instead of using them as doilies, and I love the look.

     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from pinkkittie27. Show pinkkittie27's posts

    Re: Wedding Gift - How much?

    pingo- WD40 can sometimes get lipstick stains out. the trouble is usually the oil-based pigment in the lipstick, so anything that gets out oil or grease stains will usually do the trick.
     

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