The Freak Fest Proclamation

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    The Freak Fest Proclamation

                                                                      

                                The Freak Fest Proclamation

    Whereas, RoyGBiv is a legendary figure whose iconic brown nose is a universally recognized symbol for flagrant, unrestrained toadyism and other abject behavior; and...

    Whereas, tributes to Mr Biv occur biannually and are an honored tradition here on this dumb message board; and...

    Whereas, a full six months has gone by since the last tribute was held for Mr Biv (The RGBAD V, July 2013); and...

    Whereas, Biv Fanatics from across the nation and around the world are eagerly anticipating the next celebration of their hero; and...

    Whereas, I, Wildo, the chairman of Biv Entertainment Incorporated, have like 17 zillion Freaky Biv Songs that I havent even posted yet; and...

    Whereas, I, Wildo, have in my possession over 300 gift certificate redeemable at Johnny's Lunch of Reidville (home of the famous Biv Plate Special) that I still need to give away; now, therefore be it...

    Resolved, that Saturday January 18, 2014 is the day that we shall all gather to celebrate:

                                  RoyGBiv Winter Freak Festival III
                  The "Even Rumpswabs Get the Blues Sometimes" edition
                      (With special guest appearance by Len Goodman)

    And furthermore, be it also resolved that admission to the event is free, that everyone is invited, and that a good time will be had by all!

    Satisfaction guaranteed...

                              

     
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    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

    Song title: Lord, I Was Born a Dandy Roy Fan
    Song parodied: Ramblin' Man
    Original artist: The Allman Brothers
    Youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VxoXn-0Ezs
    Special note: This is the Freak Fest III Opening Number, the song that officially gets everything started, so I hope you like it...



    Lord, I was born a Dandy Roy fan
    Tryin' to honor Dandy and hopin' he'll kiss my can
    When it' time for freakin', I hope youll understand
    That I was born a Dandy Roy fan

    Roy Dandy was a brownnose up in Boston
    He wound up with the repute of a freak
    And he was schooled down the black hole of a big ol' butt
    Oh, man, I'm sure it musta reeked

    Lord, I was born a Dandy Roy fan
    Tryin' to honor Dandy and hopin' he'll kiss my can
    When it's time for freakin', I hope youll understand
    That I was born a Dandy Roy fan

    I'm on my way to Freak Fest, yo, this mornin'
    I'm headed out now on I-93
    Yeah, always havin' some good times down there with Wildo, yaknow
    We Biv Fanatics love ol' RGB...

    Lord, I was born a Dandy Roy fan
    Tryin' to honor Dandy and hopin' he'll kiss my an
    When it's time for freakin', I hope youll understand
    That I was born a Dandy Roy fan

    Lord, I was born a Dandy Roy fan!
    Lord, I was born a Dandy Roy FAN!
    Lord, I was born a Dandy Roy fan!
    Lord, I was born a Dandy Roy FAN!



     
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    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

    Song title: You Gotta Fight for Your Right to Brownnose!
    Song parodied: (You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (to Party)
    Original artist: The Beastie Boys
    Youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBShN8qT4lk
    Special Note: All songs this year, unless otherwise indicated, are being performed by our new Freak Fest house band - Slurpy Brown and the Butt Tones (featuring Jay "the  Legend" Fortinbras on lead vocals). The Butt Tones are four local blues musicians who formed a band ten years ago while attending Suffolk University Law School together. Playing Freak Fest is the band's first big show business break, and theyre hoping to parlay their appearance here into a major record deal. Good luck with that, fellas!



    You wake up every morning, and you feel so miffed
    Because your Ma disapproves of the bums you sniffed
    She knows that youre a loser, and it drives you nuts
    But you just can't help it cuz you love them butts

    You gotta FIGHT For your RIGHT To BROWNNOSE!

    She wants you to go out and find a full time job
    But youd rather stay home and be a dumb rumpswab
    She says that youre a weirdo and a freak show too
    Aww, your Ma's just jealous, youre the Dan-DUH-roo!

    You gotta FIGHT for your RIGHT to BROWNNOSE!


           fight for your right the beastie boys gif

     

     
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    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

    Special guest judge, Len Goodman, reviews "You Gotta Fight for Your Right to Brownnose":



    Well, Wildo, if I'm being honest...dont mean to offend, but that song reminds me a lot of you: No sophistication, no finesse, and completely lacking in dignity of any kind.

                                       [Audience boos]

    I mean you came out in the first verse and gave us plenty of whammy, but after that it was more fizzle than sizzle, I'm afraid.

    To me it was like a colonoscopy: Painful to endure/relief when it's over with.

                          [Audience boos again. Louder this time]

    Hey, dont you dare boo me! I'm just being honest. Honesty is the best policy. Isnt that what you Yanks are always yammerin' on about?

                                           [Boooooo]

    Oh, go on...

     

     
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    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

    FYI: If youre interested in learning more about our new FF house band, Slurpy Brown and the Butt Tones, please visit our official Freak Feast twitter page --> @RoyBivFreakFest

    Not kidding. We really do have our own page on Twitter. Check it out and join the ummm...conversation. (At the moment, it is just me talking to myself over there...kinda like what I'm doing over here actually:)

    I do have one follower though! (ETA: It's now up to two!)

    https://twitter.com/RoyBivFreakFest

    ETA: I tried linking the posts in this thread to the FF Twitter account via the Twitter icon in the lower right hand corner, but from what I can tell, all that thing does is post a link to the Boston.com twitter page. What a useless P.O.S. that icon is. Get it the hell off our posts, dottie! It sucks

     
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    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

                     Say hello to Smoochie, the official mascot of Freak Fest III
                                              (That's him on the right)
                                                         kissass.gif

     
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    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

    The following is the Freak Fest III Keynote Address which is being given tonight by the former mayor of the city of Boston, Thomas Menino

    Good evening

    Although I am no longer mayor, I would like to say a few words tonight on behalf of the people of Boston on the eve of the grand specktrickle known as Freak Fest

    First of all and foremostly: All hail Mr Roy G Big!

    Secondly, to the loyal Big Frenetics who have gathered here from across the nation and around the world to pay tribune to their hero, I say "welcome". Boston, as I am sure you already know, is a very gracioushh host. I hope that you pay us back for our gracioushhnesshh by shhpending all of your money. Haha!

    To my good friend, Wildo, who I have known since he was validirectrian of his graduating class at the old reform school many years ago, I say "thank you". Thank you for your hard work and perverservence in creating Freak Fest and for transforming it from a little known, minor celebration into the enduring Boston intuition it is today. The economical scrimulus Freak Fest degenerates every year and the overall positive impackk it has on our city can be felt in every neighborhood: Eastie, Southie, Rozzy, JP, Hyde Park, Reidville, Savin Hill, Beacon Hill, Allston, Brighton - you name it. We have all been the lucky benefiduciaries of this great event

    Finally and in collusion, I want to wish everyone a safe, happy Freak Fest. Furthermore, when you go out and about tomorrow, singing your Freaky Big songs and eating your Big Plate Specials, I implore all of you to assemble in a peaceful manner. We dont want to see Freak Fest marred by hooligrins or hooligrinisms. That is the last thing we need


    So go out, have fun, and enjoy the party, but above all else behave yourself out there. Dont be a knucklehead

    Thank you


     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from GoneToTheDogs39. Show GoneToTheDogs39's posts

    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

    Hi,  Ache

    I can't seem to get into the party mood lately, but I'll be around.

    Will Marty Walsh and his girlfriend be attending?  He seems like a nice guy.

    I like him :)    http://wagpolitics.com/lorrie-higgins-boston-mayor-marty-walshs-girlfriend/

    Btw: If you get the chance, could you ask Marty why he hasn't married Lorrie yet?

    Inquiring minds want to know...

     
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    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

    Hi, Robin. Happy Freak Fest

    I sent Marty and Lorrie an invitation weeks ago but never received a reply, so I doubt theyll be making it out here today

    If so, Marty will be the first Boston mayor who failed to attend FF, a decision which politically will prove to be very unwise IMO

    Pissing off Biv fanatics is never a good idea, but doing so this early in his administration shows especially poor judgement. Whoever is advising Marty on this should be fired

    PS I will ask him your question next time I'm at City Hall. Dont know why it's taken him so long to ask Lorrie to marry him, but whatever his reason is, Robin, I'm sure it's a good one

    Marty Walsh, Bachelor Mayor has a nice ring to it though. I like it

     
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    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

    In response to AcheNot's comment:

    "Marty Walsh, Bachelor Mayor has a nice ring to it though. I like it" end quote

    Yeah, but they have an 8 year old daughter together. They are definitely a couple.

    So, I don't consider him a bachelor as he appears to be in a committed relationship.

    I used to work in Government Center back in the day,  over near MGH, there are a lot of good places to do lunch in that area!   Just be careful of the big rats that reside in Beacon Hill.

     

     
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    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

    Song title: R...O...Y...G
    Song parodied: L...O...V...E
    Original artist: Nat King Cole
    Youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JErVP6xLZwg
    Special note: For those of you who dont know what "mook" is, here is its definition according to urbandictionary -  http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mook


    R...is for the rumps you swabbed today
    O...is for "Oh, Dandy" all the way
    Y...is "yummy yummy" - kiss my butthole, dummy
    G...means you are great (you know you are) there's no debate

    And Roy is more than just some brownnosed mook
    Roy's a superstar, and that's no fluke
    He's a man of honor
    Slurp me, Roy, you know you wanna
    Roy's a freak to me and you!

    [repeat]

                

     
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    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

    In response to GoneToTheDogs39's comment:

    "Marty Walsh, Bachelor Mayor has a nice ring to it though. I like it" end quote

    Yeah, but they have an 8 year old daughter together. They are definitely a couple.

    So, I don't consider him a bachelor as he appears to be in a committed relationship.

    I used to work in Government Center back in the day,  over near MGH, there are a lot of good places to do lunch in that area!   Just be careful of the big rats that reside in Beacon Hill.

     



    Yeah, he's no bachelor. He's in a long term relationship obviously. I misspoke there a little

    But still I'm pissed at both of them for blowing off FF

    He/they will regret this decision moving forward


     
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    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

    Special guest judge, Len Goodman, reviews "R...O...Y...G":


    Well, Wildo, I'm in a good mood this afternoon, and I want to be nice, so I will say this: You were at least consistant throughout that performance - it was terrible from beginning to end. It started off bad and eventually got worse and worse

    You hit all the right notes, but in all the wrong places

    Sorry, old sausage, but your "R...O...Y...G" is D...U...M...B. If it wins Freak Fest Song of the Year, I will flash me bum in Buckingham Palace

                                   [Audience boos loudly]

    Hey, Ive had just about enough out of you lot! I'm a visitor to your country. You cant boo me for speaking the truth. That's bloody un-American!

             
                 

     

     

     
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    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

    "Deep In the Heart of Freak Fest"

    An original Freaky Biv Song available only on Twitter

    Go check it out NOW!

    https://twitter.com/RoyBivFreakFest

     
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    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

    Below is a grid of 100 letters. Embedded in the grid are 12 words that are commonly associated with RoyGBiv

    The words appear on the grid vertically, horizontally, and diagonally (backwards as well)

    Your job is to find as many of the words as possible. The person coming up with the most words wins the grand prize

    Wanna know what youre playing for? An autographed copy the intriguing new Biv bio: "Slurp! The Life & Times of a Rumpswabbing Dynamo"

    Please note: One of the words is actually two words. Another is an acronym.

    Good luck!

    PS I stole the idea for this game out of the Weekly Reader, a magazine geared toward 7 and 8 year olds. So it's really not an especially challenging game. But, hey, they cant all be toughies, okay?:)

    One other thing: I would prefer you find the words without any aid, but if you want to know what the words are before you begin your search, I have listed them all (in alphabetical order) on Twitter @RoyBivFreakFest


                A K C A R C T T U B
                S M O O C H O R N A
                S B I F R E A K E R
                L U R G B A D A G U
                I T I O N A Y O U M
                C T A M P O I R E P
                K H A R U D S O B S
                E O U F I G M V O W
                R L Y D N A D R I A
                S E S O N N W O R B

     
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    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

                                                     tt trumpet
                                  The doyen of Confidential Titter Chatter
                          With an interesting new twist on the acronym "OBN":


                                  

                                  Hey, Wildo, I have a question for you!
                          During Freak Fest Week, what does OBN stand for?
                                        A: Obsequious Brown Noser!
                                         Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from GoneToTheDogs39. Show GoneToTheDogs39's posts

    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

    Ache, I think the OBN crowd likes to pretend they don't come down here.

    Closet lurkers, lol ;)

    Ps: I have to go watch "Emergency" on MeTv at 6p, nostalgia....there is something oddly comforting about it.

    Randolph Mantooth, Kevin Tighe, Julie London, Bobby Troup, Robert Fuller.

    All consummate performers.

     

     
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    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

    I'm pretty sure trumpet looks in. I dont know about pingo though lol

    My favorite old shows are The Saint and F Troop:)

     
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    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

                                             Cosmo the Deer
                        Remember him from RGBAD V? Well, he's back
                            Let's see what he's got to say about FF:


        
                                                      What a drag
                            This party is more lethal than Hunting Season
                       You trying to cull the herd all by yourself tonight, Wildo?
                                 Wear us out til we croak from boredom?
                                    Well, if that's your plan, it's working

                   Also I notice mens & ladies rooms here, but nothing for me
                  What? Because I'm a deer, I'm not entitled to a little privacy?
                        Hey, Wildo, how about I take a dump on your head?
                             Would you like that? It's what you deserve
                                 Go sing another dumb song, you goof
                                                      Pfffffft...

     
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    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

    Song title: Roy Goes NoseBrown
    Song parodied: Tubthumping
    Original artist: Chumbawamba
    Youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2H5uWRjFsGc
    Special note: I meditate to this song every morning. The power of the lyrics disseminates wisdom across space and time. As a result, when I waken from my meditative state, I feel rejuvenated, refocused, and refreshed. A wonderful way to start the day. I highly recommend it...



    Roy goes nosebrown!
    He stuck it in again
    His nose will never not be brown

    Roy goes nosebrown!
    He stuck it in again
    His nose will never not be brown

    Roy goes nosebrown!
    He stuck it in again
    His nose will never not be brown

    Roy goes nosebrown!
    He stuck it in again
    His nose will never not be brown

    Swabbin' the night away
    Swabbin' the night away

    He slurps a stinky butt
    He slurps a hairy butt
    He slurps a scary butt
    He slurps a salty butt

    He kisses bums that remind him
    Of the good times
    He kisses bums that remind him
    Of the best times

    Oh, Dandy Roy Dandy Roy Dandy Roy

    Roy goes nosebrown!
    He stuck it in again
    His nose will never not be brown

    Roy goes nosebrown!
    He stuck it in again
    His nose will never not be brown

    Roy goes nosebrown!
    He stuck it in again
    His nose will never not be brown

    Roy goes nosebrown!
    He stuck it in again
    His nose will never not be brown

    Smoochin' the night away
    Smoochin' the night away

    He slurps a shiny butt
    He slurps a jerky butt
    He slurps a twerky butt
    He slurps a happy butt

    He kisses bums that remind him
    Of the good times
    He kisses bums that remind him
    Of the best times


    Oh, Dandy Roy Dandy Roy Dandy Roy

    Roy goes nosebrown!
    He stuck it in again
    His nose will never not be brown

    Roy goes nosebrown!
    He stuck it in again
    His nose will never not be brown

    Roy goes nosebrown!
    He stuck it in again
    His nose will never not be brown

    Roy goes nosebrown!
    He stuck it in again
    His nose will never not be brown

    [Repeat]



     
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    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

    Special guest judge, Len Goodman, reviews "Roy Goes Nosebrown":


    Dont mean to sound like a grumpy old possum again, Wildo, but I feel like I'm in the Land of Bewilderment right now. Dont know what to say really

    I mean I signed up for this thing expecting high quality diversion out of you. No larkin'about. No messin' around. Just full on/flat out entertainment. That sort of thing

    Instead I get, "He slurps a hairy butt/He slurps a scary butt/He slurps a salty butt" and so forth

    Hello?

    Now how in the world am I supposed to review that, Wildo? Would you tell me please because I have no idea

    First time in me life I'm bloody speechless...

    Where's Bruno by the way? All of a sudden I miss that wittle bugg a






     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from AcheNot. Show AcheNot's posts

    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

    Since nobody took a stab at today's puzzle, and since we are rapidly running out of time at this year's FF, I will simply reveal the answer key below

    Better luck next time:

     

    A K C A R C T T U B
    S M O O C H O R N A
    S B I F R E A K E R
    L U R G B A D A G U
    I T I O N A Y O U M
    C T A M P O I R E P
    K H A R U D S O B S
    E O U F I G M V O W
    R L Y D N A D R I A
    S E S O N N W O R B

    A K C A R C T T U B
    S M O O C H O R N A
    S B I F R E A K E R
    L U R G B A D A G U
    I T I O N A Y O U M
    C T A M P O I R E P
    K H A R U D S O B S
    E O U F I G M V O W
    R L Y D N A D R I A
    S E S O N N W O R B

     

    A K C A R C T T U B
    S M O O C H O R N A
    S B I F R E A K E R
    L U R G B A D A G U
    I T I O N A Y O U M
    C T A M P O I R E P
    K H A R U D S O B S
    E O U F I G M V O W
    R L Y D N A D R I A
    S E S O N N W O R B

     

    A K C A R C T T U B
    S M O O C H O R N A
    S B I F R E A K E R
    L U R G B A D A G U
    I T I O N A Y O U M
    C T A M P O I R E P
    K H A R U D S O B S
    E O U F I G M V O W
    R L Y D N A D R I A
    S E S O N N W O R B

     
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    Re: The Freak Fest Proclamation

    I now declare the celebration of the RoyGBiv Winter Freak Festival III to be closed

    And in accordance with tradition, I call upon all Biv Fanatics from across the nation and around the world to gather once again six months from now at this same dumb message board to celebrate the RoyGBiv Appreciation Day VI (the "Thrilling Me Softly With Biv Songs" edition)

    A special thank you to Len Goodman for all his wonderful judgments this week

    Big Smoochie for you, Len. Here you go:
                              kissass.gif

    Okay, good night, everybody!

     

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