Flatulent Federal Worker Stinking his way to lifetime disability check
posted at 12/22/2012 12:58 PM EST
Your federal government at ,um, work.
This obese federal government servant is a claims authorizer at the SSA center that handles disability cases for the entire country. Many federal workers just stink at their useless jobs, this guy decided to stink on the job. Just for laughs, he has decided to see if he could stink his way to a cushy lifetime government check.
Your tax dollars at work. The employee is being represented in connection with a "reprimand" by a lawyer for his union, AFGE Local 1923. Wow, a reprimand letter. Why, a dozen more such letters, and he might be threatened with a dozen more letters.
He is pictured with his wife in a photo, which was taken at an amusement park standing at the left shoulder of someone dressed as Pepe Le Pew.
The man was first spoken to about his flatulence during a May 18 “performance discussion” with his supervisor. He was informed that fellow employees had complained about his flatulence, and that it was “the reason none of them were willing to assist you with your work.” The supervisor referred the employee to a SSA unit for “assistance with what could have been a medical problem that was affecting everyone in the module.”
After stating that, “It is my belief that you can control this condition,” the author of the reprimand letter then noted, “The following dates show the time of your flatulence.” What followed was a log listing 17 separate dates (and 60 specific times) on which the employee passed gas. For example, the man’s September 19 output included nine instances of flatulence, beginning at 9:45 AM and concluding at 4:30 PM. (Thank goodness the 2009 Obama stimulus provided for emergency employment of 10,000 public employee "flatulence monitors") .
Recently , another of our public servants, a postman, dropped his pants and took a crap in a taxpayer's yard. He was also given the dreaded 'reprimand letter" ; no doubt still at work, unless retired with a disability.
Re: Flatulent Federal Worker Stinking his way to lifetime disability check
posted at 12/22/2012 2:50 PM EST
A guy walks into a bar with a monkey. The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar
and ate them.
Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them.
He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the balls.
To everyone's amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swallowed it whole.
The bartender looked at the guy and said, "Did you see what your Monkey just did?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table...whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, don't worry,
I'll pay for the cue ball."
The guy finished his drink, paid his bill, paid for the stuff the Monkey ate and left.
Two weeks later the guy came back, and had his monkey with him. He ordered a drink and the monkey started running around the bar.
The Monkey found a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabbed it, stuck it up his butt, pulled it out, and then ate it.
Then the monkey found a peanut, and again stuck it up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it.
The bartender asked, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"No, what?" replied the man.
"Well, he stuck both a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and ate them!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy.
"He will eat anything, but ever since he had to **** out that cue ball, he measures everything first."