Re: August Infants and Toddlers
posted at 8/12/2013 9:10 AM EDT
Warning: Long rant ahead...
So, DH and I go over to his mom's last night for dinner with his family (brother, sister, their spouses and our niece). We're barely through the door before his mother starts with the weight comments. Now, if you know me, you'll know that DS's weight is a sore subject that doesn't need to be harped on. He's skinny. We all know it. We're all trying to fix it. I don't mind genuine concern but telling me that you can count his ribs doesn't help anyone. Then, she said, "He's just a lazy nurser. He sits on the b**b without doing much." #1. I never want to be involved in a conversation with my MIL that has the word b**b in it, #2. She's never once seen him nurse so how would she even know that and #3. No he's not. Then she tells me that she's mentioned it to a few people and they've all used that same term, "lazy nurser". Great, and we're talking about this with people I don't even know? Lovely. I made the mistake of bringing a formula bottle for DS, even though 2/3 of the bottles he got yesterday were EBM and I nursed him twice. But she saw the formula and was like, "Are you still able to pump a little?" She's so condescending. My SIL asked me if I was able to visit DS at lunch, which bothered me because the whole point of putting DS in the day care he's in is so that I can visit/nurse him at lunch. So yeah, I haven't missed a day yet. The way they say it, it makes me feel like they're rooting for me to fail. THEN, I found out that she told DH last weekend that DS's development is being affected by his slow weight gain. Oh really? Because he just rolled over this week so if there's a milestone that you think he's missing, I'd love to hear it. DH told her that there's no evidence of stunted development and that the doctor is not concerned about that being an issue. The doctor's exact words were "He's skinny but he's not sickly." I flat out told DH that I'm not going to see his mother or sister until I either get an apology and they start supporting our feeding choices for DS or I'm done breastfeeding him. This whole weight situation and all the pumping sucks as it is and I'm not going to spend my time with people who can't support me. I'm not looking for a medal or anything, but I'm not going to stand to have my efforts cut down either. Over the last three weeks, MIL has told me that not every woman makes enough milk, no one expected me to keep breastfeeding after I went back to work, and now she's going to call my son a "lazy nurser" like that's some clinical term? She also wanted me to call early intervention because she's concerned about his muscle tone. Meanwhile, practically everyone has remarked at how well DS controls his head or how strong his grip and legs are. Yep, I'm done. DH, who stinks at confrontation btw, actually agreed with me. (This isn't the first issue I've had with his family but it's the first time that he hasn't even tried to stick up for them.) I told him that, if he wants me to see them, he needs to address it with his mother. He may bring it up the next time they talk. We'll see how that goes.
Okay, rant over. Oof.
I've been emailing a La Leche leader, who encouraged me to visit Baby Cafe this week and see if they can help fix our situation. DH is nervous because we know the bottle feeding is working (DS has gained 2 lbs in 3 weeks). Logically, he doesn't want to upset the apple cart, so to speak. I don't want to do anything to DS's detriment, but I feel strongly that I have to give us one more shot at correcting whatever the reason he's not drinking enough at each feeding before I resign myself to pumping. I figure that, if they can help, great and if not, I'm still going to have to pump. I'll at least know that I exhausted all of my options.
Side note, up until DS was born, I always said that I would try breastfeeding but that I wasn't really committed to it and I'd probably quit if it got hard. I can't believe I'm actually fighting to keep it going. Motherhood has changed me... :-)