Baptism

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from PugsandKisses. Show PugsandKisses's posts

    Baptism

    Specifically for the non-religious ladies -- did you have your baby baptized?  DH is Catholic and not practicing, and I was baptized and did the First Communion but was never confirmed and I consider myself more of an agnostic.  We're not religious at all and we don't go to church, so I'm against baptizing her.  I figure there's no point if we don't plan on raising her as religious (though we do plan to encourage her to decide for herself what she believes when she's old enough). 

    DH disagrees with me, and thinks we should baptize her just because that's what people would expect us to do.  He said the other day that we should do it because it "cleanses her soul or something."  When I asked him if he truly believed that, he said no, LOL.  I just don't feel that doing it because other people expect it is a good enough reason.

     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Baptism

    Can't answer your question, per se, but the Catholic idea of baby baptism isn't even biblical.  The biblical version of it is a symbol of a person's decision to ask Jesus to forgive their sins and be Lord of his or her life.  The person him or herself.  Babies can obviously not do that so baptism, from a biblical perspective, is completely meaningless for babies.  (And, why Protestants only do "infant dedications" saying that the parents will raise the baby in the faith that doesn't include baptism.  They save that for if and when the child decides to become a Christian.)  Now, over the centuries this morphed by Catholic/human direction into "fire/hell insurance" for babies, not at all a representation of a commitment a person has made to follow Jesus that it was as defined by Scripture.  

    So, if you want to give DH something really awesome to say about it to his religious people who expect this, you can tell him he's following the Bible itself by allowing the baptism to take place if it is your older child's decision to follow Jesus if that ever does happen.  He can refer them to Acts 8:36-38 which explains that baptism is reserved for people who actually profess to love Jesus with all their hearts.  How a baby can do that, I have no idea.  But, there's Catholic Tradition and there's the Bible, and they do not always match up...hence the Reformation, but that's another story.

    Again, I know this doesn't answer your question, but it might help shut people up who insist your baby "must" be baptized.  
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from RedFishBlueFish. Show RedFishBlueFish's posts

    Re: Baptism

    I'm not sure it's the best idea to counter relatives with arguments that their faith is wrong, since both families seem to be Catholic. Just sayin'... it would tick me off and I would find it really disrespectful, if I were the mother or grandmother who is so adamant about the baptism.

    If people ask, just tell them you plan to give her the option when she gets older to choose her faith. And leave it at that.

    If you're worried that your MIL will be the biggest obstacle, make sure that it's your DH who delivers the message clearly and non-negotiably.

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Baptism

    I don't think that baptising because other people want you to makes sense if you're against it. But maybe your husband really wants to have your daughter baptized and doesn't want to admit it. Having a baby can bring out all kinds of feelings about religion and tradition and family that one never thought one had.

    Baptism is a beautiful ritual and a joyful occasion for family and friends to gather and celebrate the birth of the child. And for the child, having godparents who are specifically chosen to watch over you can be an incredible feeling. It's a special relationship that makes you feel special. My oldest brother and one of my cousins are my godparents, and they took their roles very seriously. They didn't talk to me about God or Catholicism or anything, but they did guide me spiritually and emotionally, send me gifts on special occasions, and take an extra interest in me (as one of five kids and 35 cousins you can really get lost in the mix). As far as religious rituals go, Baptism is a pretty innocuous one.

    That said, we did not baptise our daughter. It didn't occur to me, even though I was raised wicked Catholic. My husband, who is vehemently ANTI-religion, broached the subject -- he wanted a secular baptism. I told him that if he wanted to plan it himself, go for it. And since I'm the one who plans things, it never happened.

    I'm godmother to my niece, and things have gotten much looser in the Catholic church since I was involved. I explained to the priest that I wasn't religious, and he said that was fine as long as I agreed to guide my daughter in line with the teachings of the Church. I said that I would go along with many of the principals of the Church, but not the ones I considered discriminatory or just wrongheaded, and he said that was fine too -- that God created thinking beings and wants us to use our best judgement. My oldest brother is also godfather to our nephew, and he's a Buddhist scholar. The priest was also fine with that and said that when you get down to brass tacks it's pretty much all the same -- be nice to each other, don't do bad stuff. So even if you go Full Catholic, you don't have to convert or choose super religious people as godparents.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from memes98. Show memes98's posts

    Re: Baptism

    Pugs, I just wanted to weigh in and let you know what we did because we had a similar situation that you describe.  I was raised both catholic (my dad) and protestant (my mom), and I did get baptized, first communion, and confirmed in the catholic church.  I always preferred my mom's protestant church though.  My DH was also raised catholic.  We do not practice at all now though, and don't go to church.  Similar to you, the families (especially MIL) just expected that we would baptize DD.  We decided to do the baptism because I wasn't particularly against it and we decided that it would be a nice thing to do to bring everyone together and celebrate DD again.  We did it in my mom's protestant church.  I am glad that we ended up doing it, it was a nice day and celebration.  We still do not plan to go to church regularly, but like you, we want to let her decide for herself what she believes when she is older.
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from RedFishBlueFish. Show RedFishBlueFish's posts

    Re: Baptism

    In Response to Re: Baptism:
    [QUOTE]So even if you go Full Catholic, you don't have to convert or choose super religious people as godparents.
    Posted by lemonmelon[/QUOTE]

    I was raised Catholic and one of my godparents isn't Catholic at all. She's Protestant and the church was fine with it, even 30 years ago. She's been a far better godparent to me than my godfather, who is Catholic.

    This isn't to say do it one way or the other. Just general information.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Baptism

    Just wanted to clear up a misconception about Catholic baptism. The Church has changed its stance on this - unbaptised babies no longer go to purgatory/limbo.  They can go straight to Heaven.  So you can just refer any busybodies who tell you otherwise to the Vatican.

    I think you and your DH need to have an honest discussion about this. It may be, as lemon points out, that he really wants to have the child baptised. If you think it's meaningless and he thinks it's important or wants to have it done, I would go w/ whoever had the strongest feeling about it. 

    My BIL and SIL did not have their twins baptised.  BIL went to Catholic school for grade and HS.  His mom was a little baffled but let it go. Unless you have some extremely religious folk in your family, most people should let it go after a very short discussion. GL.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: Baptism

    I was raised Catholic, was baptized, had my first communion, and basically had to have the priest of the church intervene with my parents so that I didn't "have to" get confirmed.  I knew that I didn't believe in a deity or deities and knew that I could not honestly respond to the confirmation questions/vows.  My mother was a 4th grade CCD teacher (responsible for teaching about confession and guiding kids through their first confession), was active in the church, and as a result, knew the priest fairly well.  So, she knew, when he told her that he could not confirm me if I didn't want to be, that the matter was entirely out of her hands.  My mother didn't speak to me for about a week when that happened.

    DH was not raised in a religious tradition.  His mother was Catholic and had dabbled in Mormonism for a short time when he was growing up.  His father was raised Protestant but has never openly expressed his religious views, if any.

    So...fast-forward 16 years.  Almost as soon as I announced that I was pregnant, the questions about baptism started.  Were we going to baptize the kids?  No.  Why not?  Because we don't believe in God/gods, and therefore, don't have any reason to baptize them.  But what if you're wrong and there IS a God, don't you think you should baptize them?  No.  If there IS a God/gods, we don't believe that he would condemn innocent children to Hell because of a lack of action on the part of their parents.  And on...and on...and on.  THEN, once the kids were born, it started again.  You're not going to take them to church at all?  How will they know right from wrong?  You're going to deprive me of seeing my grandchildren make their First Communion?  You're grandmother is rolling in her grave right now.  You know, you really should baptize them, just in case....  We stood our ground.  We were always as respectful of my mother's beliefs as possible (no criticism of religion/religious teachings/Catholicism), without compromising our own (used lots of "we" and "I" statements).  I assured my mother that when the kids are a little older, if they want to go to church with her (or their friends or other relatives) to see what it's like, we won't stop them, but we also won't make them to go. 

    Now...my mother takes care of them 4 days a week and they are almost 2 years old.  I am sure, that over time, she's going to talk to them about God and Jesus and Heaven, etc., and within reason, I'm ok with that.  It will help to open up discussions about different people believing--or not believing--in different things and also help them to start thinking about what makes sense for themselves.  I will also say that I HIGHLY suspect that my mother gave them kitchen sink baptisms at some point, and although that annoys me on some level, if being deceptive was what she needed to do to make herself feel better, so be it.  The reason I think this is b/c she was harping and harping and harping about baptism for weeks, then my (very Catholic) uncle came to visit her for a couple of days, and I haven't heard a single thing about it since.  Don't ask...don't tell...really don't want to know....

    SO...having been through this, I would not advise to baptize a child just b/c family members think you should.  It will not stop there (She's not going to make her 1st Communion?  She HAS TO make her 1st Communion....  There's not going to be a priest at her wedding?!).  Baptism is a religious ritual/sacrament that requires certain beliefs and promises to raise your child with those beliefs.  If you don't have those beliefs and can't follow through on those promises, you negate the significance of the ritual/sacrament and it is disrespectful and dishonest to family members and people who strongly believe in the ritual to suggest that you do.  If the pressure is too much and you need to pull out the big guns, go to your MIL's (or other relative's) priest and explain the situation to him.  Again, don't criticize his life's work, but just matter-of-factly talk to him about the situation.  He may encourage you to reconsider YOUR belief system, but it is unlikely that he would agree to baptize a child under false pretenses, and he may be able to explain this to your MIL (or other relative).  At least, that is my impression from what happened with me when I didn't want to get confirmed. 

    It can be a tough area to navigate.  I don't know if anyone in your families have brought it up, but if they haven't, you shouldn't.  If DH's response included "...or something," and says he doesn't believe in it, it can't mean that much to him.  If it were important to him, he'd know what baptism is and why it's significant.  HOWEVER, he is your DD's father, and he does have a say in in decisions like this.  If he believes in Catholic teachings and wants to have her baptized, that's something that the two of you will have to work out together--without interference from others.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from dz76. Show dz76's posts

    Re: Baptism

    DH and I were both raised Catholic but neither of us have been practicing Catholics since we were confirmed. DH doesn't really believe in God and I have some fundamental issues with the Catholic Church's basic beliefs. 

    That said, we had all three of our children baptised.  My MIL really wanted it (as a matter of fact she was just asking DH a few days ago when we planned to start going to church.  DH had to gently let her know I would never be attending church on a weekly basis.) and I wasn't against it.  My father who is VERY anti-church/God simply refused to attend and babysat for his other grandchildren instead.

    I felt it was a lovely way to celebrate with family after the babies were born.  It gave DH and I a way to let certain people in our life know how much we love and trust them by asking them to be our children's Godparents.

    And even though I dislike lots of things about the Catholic Church, I liked the idea that my children have had the same ceremony DH and I had, that my parents had, that his parents had and on and on.

    But in the end, you and DH just need to talk it out and make the right decision for the both of you ('cuz your DD will probably never care).
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: Baptism

    I did something very similiar to a few others on here.  DH is Catholic, but he and his family go to church mostly on holidays (although his SILs are going through the whole first communion, confirmation ceremonies with their kids). I wasn't raised anything - have some of my own beliefs - but they don't really fit with the Catholic church.  That being said, I'm not anti-Catholic, just have no desire to officially join that church (or any).  We also had DS baptized in the Catholic church to celebrate his birth and the strong love he receives from his family and community, and I actually really enjoyed the ceremony. I also REALLY wanted my best friend to be "officially" involved in DS' life forever, and as a Catholic, the role of godmother is so special to her, and she was beyond honored.  So I was thrilled to be able to make that special connection between them.  And the person DH picked for godfather, his very macho cousin, actually cried when we asked.  Was so sweet!

    We went to church this Easter, and I don't mind it.  I don't go up during the wafer/wine thing (and I'm sure someday DS may ask why Daddy does and Mommy doesn't).  I told DH that if he wants to do communion, confirmation, etc... he needs to take the lead, and he's good with that.


     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from rysmom. Show rysmom's posts

    Re: Baptism

    It is totally your decision if you want to baptize your child.  DH was raised Protestant and I was Roman Catholic.  DS was baptized Roman Catholic.  We never really went to Church as neither of us felt comfortable in the others Church.  We were invited to an Episcopal Church by a friend who was singing there when DS was about 18 months.  We really enjoyed it.  And for us, it rounded out our lives.  When DD was born she was baptized in the Episcopal Church.  They recognize DS baptism.
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from MichelleandtheBoys. Show MichelleandtheBoys's posts

    Re: Baptism

    Wow, I'm happy to see I"m not the only one who doesn't follow what everyone says.  DH and I were both raised catholic, but haven't followed much after being confirmed.  Our families aren't super-religious either.  We did have both of our children baptized, as it was just the "thing to do".  When my family realized my first son didn't go to religious education in the first grade they lectured me. So I sent him in 2nd grade and he made his First Communion two years ago.  After that we didn't go back.  On Easter, when my aunt (who is actually is Godmother) realized my younger son should be making his Communion this year she was not happy when I told her we'd never sent him to CCD.  She was saying (nicely) that I had to do it, and that they wouldn't be able to get married in a Catholic church, etc.  She practically begged me to send them to CCD.  My parents have already lectured me and I ignored them.  I do feel bad, but not enough to make the commitment, and I don't agree with some of the teachings.
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from bostonslp. Show bostonslp's posts

    Re: Baptism

    good topic Pugs!  This always reminds me of that sex and the ity episode where Miranda decides to Baptise her son...
    Similar to many of you who already posted, DH and I are not religious.  He was raised greek orthodox (although not strict at all) but was baptised, etc there.  I was baptised at a Protestant church and then never went to church again.  My parents were hippies and we didn't practice any formal religion except to love the earth. 

    Baptising DS is not important to me, but DH would like to do it, so we will.  Since I don't care one way or the other and doing so won't hurt him, I am okay with it.  As long as we raise him to be a respectful, caring person that's all I ask.  As others have said, it will be a nice celebration of DS and a chance for family and friends to be together at a time when I am feeling better and rested (ie not the week DS was born!)  Now we just have to pick a church that we like. 

    On another note - others have mentioned that they will let the LO decide their faith.  Here's my two cents:  That is what my parents hoped for me and here I am 30 years old and still have not made a decision.  I still say that I want to explore all the options, but never do.  I think it's important to have a faith and a place to "belong."  I have seen this be especially important to friends who have gone through difficult times and it makes me think I should belong somewhere (church, temple, etc)  If you want your child to "make the decision" keep in mind that they are not going to make these decisions early on and then they may never.  It is important to expose them to the different religions and places of worship otherwise, how will they know?  Some of you may be planning to do this already, but I know my parents didn't and so how could I ever decide.  Most of my friends growing up were Jewish and as a result I have been to temple more than I've ever been to church!  That exposure was great and I think of it often, but I know it's not for me. 
    Something I never thought of though, my BFF is Jewish and I want her to be the godmother...wonder what the church will think of that....
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Baptism

    DH and I talked about this when we were engaged.  I have no interest in baptising our child/children because I don't want to lie to a priest and say I'm going to raise our child in the church, etc.  (At least I believe they ask things like this?)  He didn't feel strongly either way.  While pregnant I brought it up a few times because he tends to give into his mother and say, Well why not?  He's very laid back, but he says he still agrees that we don't need to do it.  His grandmother is very religious and his mother is the type to do things because you "have" to, so we'll see when the questions start.  We got married outdoors and no one ever commented about skipping the church, so maybe it won't be an issue...
    (It won't be an issue with my parents because they let me do my own thing.)
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from trhoward. Show trhoward's posts

    Re: Baptism

    DH and I did not baptize DS. We were about where you guys are with your beliefs. I would've felt so phony baptizing DS when I don't believe in any of it. The most common comment I got about it from family was that we would miss out on the $ given to the baby! That is why a lot of people do it I guess, and to have a fun party.
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from rysmom. Show rysmom's posts

    Re: Baptism

    Boston - I think you make a good point here.  I never realized that I could just go into any Church.  If you want your child to choose their own thing then you need to expose them to it.  Personally, I wanted my children to believe in something bigger than themselves.  I never promised to raise them Roman Catholic.  I said as much to the Priest who married us.  It is interesting that you mentioned missing out on something when things happen.  I was reading an article about a classroom of children right after 911.  The teacher (who is now an ordained priest) noted that the kids who had some type of religion could process the events much easier than those who did not.  Of course this being said...religion is a personal thing.  People are free to do as they wish.  :-)

    In Response to Re: Baptism:
    [QUOTE]good topic Pugs!  This always reminds me of that sex and the ity episode where Miranda decides to Baptise her son... Similar to many of you who already posted, DH and I are not religious.  He was raised greek orthodox (although not strict at all) but was baptised, etc there.  I was baptised at a Protestant church and then never went to church again.  My parents were hippies and we didn't practice any formal religion except to love the earth.  Baptising DS is not important to me, but DH would like to do it, so we will.  Since I don't care one way or the other and doing so won't hurt him, I am okay with it.  As long as we raise him to be a respectful, caring person that's all I ask.  As others have said, it will be a nice celebration of DS and a chance for family and friends to be together at a time when I am feeling better and rested (ie not the week DS was born!)  Now we just have to pick a church that we like.  On another note - others have mentioned that they will let the LO decide their faith.  Here's my two cents:  That is what my parents hoped for me and here I am 30 years old and still have not made a decision.  I still say that I want to explore all the options, but never do.  I think it's important to have a faith and a place to "belong."  I have seen this be especially important to friends who have gone through difficult times and it makes me think I should belong somewhere (church, temple, etc)  If you want your child to "make the decision" keep in mind that they are not going to make these decisions early on and then they may never.  It is important to expose them to the different religions and places of worship otherwise, how will they know?  Some of you may be planning to do this already, but I know my parents didn't and so how could I ever decide.  Most of my friends growing up were Jewish and as a result I have been to temple more than I've ever been to church!  That exposure was great and I think of it often, but I know it's not for me.  Something I never thought of though, my BFF is Jewish and I want her to be the godmother...wonder what the church will think of that....
    Posted by bostonslp[/QUOTE]

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Baptism

    In Response to Re: Baptism:
    [QUOTE]The most common comment I got about it from family was that we would miss out on the $ given to the baby! That is why a lot of people do it I guess, and to have a fun party.
    Posted by trhoward[/QUOTE]

    I don't want to suggest it's common, but a friend of mine actually came out and said this and I was so disgusted!!  She was saying that her DH was the one who wanted to have a christening and finished the email with, "An excuse for people to give my baby presents?  Why not?!"  Needless to say I didn't bring a gift to the christening.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from PugsandKisses. Show PugsandKisses's posts

    Re: Baptism

    Wow, lots of great opinions and things to think about!  Apparently a lot of us are in the same boat with this.  I know DH definitely doesn't care about having DD baptized, he just doesn't want to upset anybody by not doing it.  His grandmother is VERY religious and would probably be disappointed if we don't do it, but she's a cranky 90 year old that has a problem with everything we do anyway.  My MIL will be mad if we don't do it, not because she's religious, but because she wants an excuse to invite all her friends and family members to see the baby.  She seems to think our child is some sort of showpiece and it makes me crazy.  Surprisingly, DH's friend who is semi-religious was the most obnoxious -- he actually insisted that DH take DD to get baptized without telling me.  Thankfully my DH respects me more than that, but needless to say I was pretty PO'ed that his friend even suggested that.


    DH actually made the comment about the $$ for DD too.  I reminded him that these same people who were expecting a baptism will probably be expecting a celebration afterwards, which we would have to pay for.  That was the end of that discussion!  We don't have the time, energy, or money right now for that.

    For those of you that did or are planning to baptize your kids, how did you choose godparents?  I know that if we baptized DD, the godparent thing would be a nightmare.  SIL assumes that she'd be the godmother, but I'm not close with her and she never sees DD.  I would pick my best friend, since we're so close and she's so involved in DD's life.  Just one more headache we'd avoid by not doing it!  :)

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: Baptism

    From the point of view of a godparent and one who has godparents, I would urge you to choose the person you think will provide the most guidance, stability, and love for your child throughout her life. A good godparent can make all the difference in the world. And a bad one can make a child feel really rejected (my sister is still bitter over having a dud godparent who never sent her a single card).

    But after hearing more about your situation, I think you should run as fast as possible away from the entire baptism thing. It sounds like another excuse for your family to make you miserable.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: Baptism

    We are having my daughter baptized, but we also do attend Mass regularly and participate in the church community, and plan to continue to raise our daughter in that community.  It's the same church that I've gone to my entire life, and I love seeing the same people week after week, and exposing my daughter to that community of faith. 

    I also am looking forward to the party afterward, not as a place to get gifts, but as an opportunity to introduce her to the family and friends who will be a part of her life moving forward.  I was fortunate to grow up as part of a big extended family, and while my daughter will never have as many aunts, uncles and cousins as I did, I do want her to feel like she has a big support system of family (both by blood and by invitation) in her life. 

    Back to the original topic: as a person who does have faith, I see baptism as an introduction to the community, not something that I "should" do; I hope that if you do decide to baptize a child, that you'll also expose them to the religion that you've baptized them in.  And if you want a child to find his/her own faith, I hope that you will take exposing them to different faiths and beliefs as part of your role as parent, so that he/she will have the background and tools to help identify what works for him/her.  Even though I'm Catholic, and plan to raise my daughter Catholic, I also think it's important for her to learn about other religions.  Ultimately, if you look at the "big 3" (christian, muslim, jew), we all worship the same God...maybe if we get our children to recognize that from an early age, and to understand the similarities and differences of our religions, we can be one step closer to stopping the violence and hatred in the world that is done in the name of religion.  Okay, off soapbox now!!

     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from RedFishBlueFish. Show RedFishBlueFish's posts

    Re: Baptism

    In Response to Re: Baptism:
    [QUOTE]From the point of view of a godparent and one who has godparents, I would urge you to choose the person you think will provide the most guidance, stability, and love for your child throughout her life. A good godparent can make all the difference in the world. And a bad one can make a child feel really rejected (my sister is still bitter over having a dud godparent who never sent her a single card).
    Posted by lemonmelon[/QUOTE]

    This.

    Even though there were plenty of Catholic relatives on both sides of the family, my parents chose my mother's dear (Protestant) friend to be my godmother. She has been a stable force in my life for 30 years and has been good to my siblings, too. My sister has a pair of dud godparents who completely disappeared from her life (people moved, friendships fizzled) and it still bothers her, now in her 20s.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from JKFDais15. Show JKFDais15's posts

    Re: Baptism

    I would only baptize if you plan to raise your DD or DS in the church..  It bothers me going to a baptism that I know the parents will never bring the child to the church again.  Then again my DH and I are both Roman Catholic and go to church every week so it never crossed my mind not to have our DS baptized.  I grew up going to church every week and when I got older in high school/college it slowed down and i probably went only once a month and on holidays... when I met my DH about 6 years ago I found he went every week.. so we started both going together.  We were married in a catholic church too so we are both active.  We've already brought our DS to church with us.. we started at 4 weeks.. he does great too!  and it's nice to see the same people each week and they remember me pregnant and then are so excited to meet and see DS too.  So my point is if you plan to raise them in the church, get them baptized, otherwise skip it..  let him decide later in life if he/she wants to be.  It's not a party just to get gifts/$$.. 

    we chose our godparents based on who we thought would be like 2nd parents to our DS and then we asked them if they wanted to, they were both honored and didn't think twice about it.  we each chose one.. so it turns out it's my sister, and his brother.  My sister is even flying in for the christening... her choice, she didn't need to, we could have had a stand in for her easily but she wants to be there and wants to be the godmother. 

    GL with your decision.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from lissafro. Show lissafro's posts

    Re: Baptism

    Pugs, it sounds like (especially after your second clarification post) baptism might not be the right choice.  I worry that you'll be setting a precedent for yourselves and your family that you'll give in and do things their way just to placate them.  If it is true that your husband doesn't care about it and you don't feel comfortable with it and your MIL is that pushy you might be setting yourselves up for a first communion and confirmation battle in the future.
    When things get tough, just remind yourself to count your blessings the in laws are assuming you're going to baptise your son and not assuming you're going to circumcise him.  I ended up having a daughter (we waited to find out the sex) but the questions about the brit started a week or so after I announced my pregnancy.  My family is Catholic (parents go to church every week) and my DH's family is Jewish (only go to temple on Yom Kippur).  My husband and I are closeted Atheists (well, we're out at work and with friends but not out with our families). 

    We both agree if we ever have a son we're not going to circumcise him but we are girding our loins for the battle if we ever do have a male child, since the topic was broached so early in my pregnancy with my daughter and people have such strong opinions.

    I know my parents are quietly disappointed we didn't baptize our daughter but they have always been accepting and respectful of me making my own decisions as an adult. 

    Good luck! let us know how it goes!
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from MichelleandtheBoys. Show MichelleandtheBoys's posts

    Re: Baptism

    I think it's funny when people think someone has a party to get gifts.  I have never in my life for a wedding, baptism, kids' birthdays, etc. got even close to what I spent on the party in return!  Then again, we always provide a substantial amount of food, drinks, etc. not just cake and ice cream. :)
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Baptism

    DH and I talked about this when we got engaged too. He and his family are pretty apathetic toward religion (his first time in a church was at my friend's wedding) and I grew up super Catholic: went to Catholic school, mass every week, and eventually got kicked out of CCD (long story). I'm vehemently anti-religion and against baptism for our (future) children. My parents are still pretty religious, but I think they know that we won't raise our kids with religion. When I was 14, I told them that I would never get married in a church and they had 10 years to marinate over that.

    I think doing a baptism because other people want you to is the wrong reason; if family give you a hard time, you can tell them that it would be an insult to their faith if you did it but didn't believe in it. Because, really, why would they want you to do something that means so much to them but to you is just going through the motions, you know?
     

Share