TV Time

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    TV Time

    As some of you know, my MIL watches DS (7mths) Mon-Fri at her home.  They do go for walks/errands a lot because I know my MIL likes to be mobile, but they are also in her home for long periods of time (especially with weather we've been having).  My FIL is retired, and watches a ton of TV.  Their TV is also giant... 60 inches or more perhaps.  And right in the middle of the living room.  Last night we picked up DS and stayed for dinner.  When we walked in, DS was facing the TV sitting on the floor, toys in front of him, but he was just staring into the screen.

    I have read almost everywhere that TV is not recommended before 2 years old.  I'm sure this refers to kids not watching lots of TV, as all our infants probably get a little here and there, either from what we are watching and them being in the same room, or perhaps even a short kids show/baby einstein dvd. (I've never done this, but I'm guessing its common since they sell them and there are so many kids channels!)

    My question.  Should I be concerned that DS is in front of this giant TV a lot?  There isn't another room for them to play in... so my guess is when they are home, he's within TV reach and with my FIL home, it's probably on.  Even when they come to our house, he throws on the TV.

    I don't want to sound crazy with my MIL, nor have them change their behaviors.  And I have to be grateful for what she is already doing with him every day.  But is there anything for me to worry about here?
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: TV Time

    TV is a big concern of mine too, IPW.  (Despite the fact that I personally have it on way too much.  But I turn it off if I feel that it's distracting me from the baby or sometimes just cuz.) 
    If it were me, I'd ask MIL to keep the baby turned away from the TV as much as possible.  Or maybe just to be conscious of how much TV he watches.  This is one thing that I don't let go with DH - I constantly ask him to switch the baby to the other arm, etc. so at least she won't be looking at it even though it's on.  No way I could get him to turn off a Bruins game!
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from Lostgrouse. Show Lostgrouse's posts

    Re: TV Time

    I would also just talk with your MIL and have him move your baby away from the screen whenever possible or have her play with him in another room.  It's a hard line to walk because it's your MIL and she's entitled to watch TV, but I think that voicing your concerns would be met with a good proactive response.  Maybe she just doesn't realize how much time he spends in front of it!

    We actually don't have a TV (well we do but it's not hooked up to anything and it sits idle in our basement).  Our pediatrician strongly stresses that TV should be limited/none before age 2.  That's not why we got rid of the TV, it's just we have NO time to watch it anyway, so why bother.  We just have the extra benefit of not having our kids watch it. 

    The TV issue also is why we'll most likely move DS to his sister's daycare center when he gets a little older.  He's at a home daycare now and while they really don't watch TV from what I'm told, occasionally, the after school kids watch it when they get there.  I've never seen it on while he's been there, but it's always able to be on.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from stefani2. Show stefani2's posts

    Re: TV Time

    that would be a problem for me too IPW.  i would talk to MIL - explain it's the studies and the pediatrician's recco, not yours (at least put it that way to make it less personal) and ask if there's any way for her to keep DS elsewhere - set up a play area in the kitchen or something.  i was in a class at isis where this subject came up and someone asked the teacher what was so magical about the age of 2 when it's "OK" to watch tv, and she said it was basically because the AAP didn't think they could really say "never" as the appropriate age.  i run into this same problem when the babies are with me at friends' houses and they have the TV on.  i feel "high and mighty" saying something (especially given their kids are in front of the TV!) so i don't say anything, but i really worry about it.  i PERSONALLY think any amount of TV is not good, but i know people would disagree.

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from MichelleandtheBoys. Show MichelleandtheBoys's posts

    Re: TV Time

    It's so hard do deal with because most people either totally get it - or they don't at all. My guess is if they have the t.v. on all the time, they will not., so they aren't going to be particularly happy to accommodate you on this one.   My parents are the same way, and I've been arguing about it for 10 years! They watched my son a few days a week when he was 3-7 months old, and they thought it was so cute how he was mesmerized by the t.v., even though they knew I didn't want him watching it!  They took it personally, saying how I grew up watching t.v. and I was fine.  
    If your child is 7 months, they aren't going to be able to just face him the other way for long, as he will be deciding which way he is facing, so short of keeping him in another room, he'll be looking at the screen. I think the under age 2 thing is in regard to brain development, because their brain develops differently as they are watching all the images flash across the screen.  Since that effect isn't completely obvious, to me, it's worse as they get older, because then the content of what they are watching becomes an issue, even more than the fact that they are staring at the screen.  There are a handful of great shows out there for young kids, but most of what is on is junk.  I still only allow my kids to watch a few things, and they have to mute or skip over the commercials, and I never, ever put the t.v. on for myself unless they are in bed. (Once in a while my husband will watch sports)

    When we used to go to my parents, they would just change the channel (because of course it was already on) to PBS or Noggin for the kids. Then I had to be the bad guy and shut it off. Now, after all these years, I've been persistent enough that I've gotten them to shut it off.  But I feel for you because it would have been a lot harder if it wasn't my own parents and I didn't feel comfortable telling them off and having them get mad at me!  I was relentless.

    Good luck!
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: TV Time

    I would definitely say something.  As a pediatrician I don't recommend tv because of studies that have shown issues with attention in the future (this was not controlled for content).  Additionally, DD is also 7 months and seems to be absorbing everything in the world around her - enough so that I have stopped listening to NPR in the morning commute.  I don't believe tv is evil in general and in moderation but would avoid it if possible at this age.

    Sometimes when we are giving her a bottle (total of about 5-7 minutes) we have turned on HGTV.  What is interesting is that I do find that if the tv is on, I am less focused on her so for that reason we rarely have the tv on at all.

    It can be a tough subject to bring up.  Good luck!
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: TV Time

    My mom takes care of my kids, too, and she was really stressed out initially b/c she knew I didn't want the kids watching TV.  I clarified with her what my preferences were, and she actually was ok with them...and AGREED with me about it.  I told her that if she had the TV on, I didn't want the kids to be facing it.  I had no problems with her having the TV on in the background.  If the TV was on, and she saw that the kids were watching it, I asked that she either turn the TV off, or direct their attention elsewhere.  A little while after the kids turned one and were walking/running/into everything, we would occasionally put Sesame Street or Thomas on for them, but if we noticed they were watching "background TV" we would turn it off and re-direct their attention to something else.  As the kids have gotten older (they turn 2 tomorrow), they do watch a few age-appropriate programs and have about an hour of TV time/day:  a little Sesame Street as DH and I are getting ready in the morning, and my mother let's them watch a 1/2 hour on rainy days/days when going outside isn't possible.  My mother also spends ALOT of time reading to them, taking them outdoors and showing them things.  She planted some seeds in pots with them last week and they water them every day and talk about what's going to happen, she has them color or play with play dough, she takes them to a local playground, she takes them to the zoo and Petco, etc.  And DH and I do a lot with them on the weekends, too.  At your DS's age, I highly agree that no TV is the ideal, but background TV is probably inevitable, and I think as long as he's doing something else and not watching it, it's ok.  As he gets older, you will probably end up adjusting your ideal a little bit to suit whatever the circumstances are.  My opinion is that as long as kids are doing lots of other interesting, enriching activities and having lots of interaction with real people, that a little bit of TV for toddlers and up is ok--as long as it's age-appropriate programming and is heavily monitored and limited.

    One thing you may want to do if you haven't yet is get a membership to the Zoo and/or the Aquarium.  The zoo has a membership level that includes a 3rd adult, and the Aquarium allows your children's caretakers to bring them in on your membership (you need to call the membership people and have the caregiver's name added--at no cost).  If nothing else, on those rainy or dreary days, it will give your MIL a place to take your DS for a change of scenery.  And if she's open for it, many libraries offer story times (though some are definitely geared for 2+ and 3+ year olds).  OR, you could offer to pay for a "Mommy and me"-type class that she might be interested in taking your DS to.  And I'm not sure where you're located, but Kids' Fun Stop in W. Roxbury has a Grandparents' play group one or two mornings a week that isn't too expensive ($10/visit?), and they have an under-2 area for when DS gets mobile.  In the end, if your FIL watches a lot of TV, I don't think there's any getting around it when DS is in their house, though your MIL has the power to limit it somewhat.  Giving her other options for things to do outside the house and that won't cost her anything (b/c you'll be paying for them), is a work-around that can help reduce the amount of opportunity for DS to be watching TV.

    Anyway...just some ideas as DS starts to get a little older.

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: TV Time

    I'll preface by reiterating that I don't have kids.

    I'll also preface by saying I don't watch a lot of TV personally.  I didn't even have cable until I got married. I watch 3 shows, total, and will not turn the TV on if I am home before 7.30.

    That being said, my father, and his father {my grandfather} always have the TV on. My DH as well.  Whether htey are actively watching something or as backgrounds noise.  They do not take kindly to being told to turn the TV off when they are off work and can do what htey please.  I expect taht when my dad retires he will spend the bulk of his time in front of the TV like my grandfather did.

    If the house is small enough that there realistically is not another room to put the child in, then what you are asking them to do is change thier lifestyle. Aren't they already doing that by taking care of the child?  Rather than cause an all out war re the TV {and I know this would cause an all out war in my family if the house were small enough that you could not find another room for the child} then you may want to consider finding a more suitable childcare arrangement for your child.  If you pay for childcare services, or at least pay nonfamily members to take care of the child, then you have more freedom to voice exactly how you want them to behave with the chidl  If you bring it up with family, and they don't see a huge issue w/ the TV, at best, they are going to ensure that the TV is off when you pick up the child, but in all likelihood it is going to be on the rest of the day when the child is there.  HTH.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: TV Time

    My 22 month old kids get to watch 20 minutes of Sesame Street if I need to get food on the table or if they are absolutely driving me crazy.  But other than that - no tv.  I'm a huge football fan and I basically missed a whole season because I didn't want the TV on when the kids were awake.
    I do make exceptions sometimes when my parents are sitting, but I try to impress upon them that they should be playing with the kids or reading to them.
    I nyour case you are going to have to balance the free child care vs the TV thing.  First of all I'd ask your DH to step up and ask his parents to limit their TV viewing.  And I'd impress upon them that the news and shows like Law and Order and CSI aren't appropriate.  If they have to watch, perhaps make it sports or something.
    Good luck
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from summery123. Show summery123's posts

    Re: TV Time

    I agree that TV shouldnt substitute ones attention to a child it also is a tough request to ask someone when they are taking care of your child all day. I assume she is doing it for free, its not as though you are paying for her services. Plus you don't know what she has done with the baby all day. By the end of the day she is probably wiped and just wants to relax. Its not easy being home all day watching a baby especially one that is not yours.  It sounds like they are doing you a HUGE favor by watching your child. You should be thankful. clearly they did something right as parents since you married their son. I feel like people worry so much these days......lets focus on more imortant things like how happy your baby is being in their care. Isn't that all that matters?
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: TV Time

    ALF, I agree, the TV will go right back on after mom leaves for now, but what will they do when the kid is old enough to rat them out?

    I'm not a parent, either, but I think things like this come down to one thing.  Only raise a fuss over things that you cannot tolerate no matter what the cost will be to change it.  Maybe they actually will turn the TV off or redirect her every time she gets too engrossed, but granddad will likely resent it and might not want to babysit anymore...what then?
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: TV Time

    Thanks all - I asked because I do believe in "don't sweet the small stuff" and I just wasn't sure if this was a big deal or not for a 7 mth old.  As with most issues, there are varying opinions.  I actually do pay my MIL - not as much as the $1,400 day care I had researched and found... but half that.  So she is certainly doing us a favor... but we are doing her a favor in that she was able to quit the retail job she hated (she asked us for this arrangement).
    I think the best course is to mention it, that its not something I am a huge fan of, and then just see what happens.  I can't know if its off all day, and I can't dictate what my FIL can and can't do in his house.  The only other room they could be in his their bedroom, which is not condusive to DS having space to play. (they have a small condo).
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from Daisy75. Show Daisy75's posts

    Re: TV Time

    I don't know about the practicality of this, but would your MIL be willing to go to your house when she's watching DS?  That might take FIL's TV viewing out of the equation or, if FIL comes with her, your house may have more room for them to spread out so that FIL can watch TV in one room while MIL and DS are in another.  Just a thought....
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from June08bride. Show June08bride's posts

    Re: TV Time

    this just makes me happy my DD doesnt pay attention to our tv.  She is almost 18 months and its always on for background, but its also mounted on our wall so she would have to look up. 
    My MIL watches my niece and nephew and I know the TV was on all the time for background 6 years ago and the children have adapted nicely, love to play, go outside, ect and still like their tv time.  I remember my SIL having a problem because soap operas would be on in the middle of the day and felt as tho her children didnt need to see that, but at the end of the day, my MIL did exactly as she wanted because she needed her quilty pleasure and not have it take away from the kids.  If my SIL really had a big problem with it, her husband told her to find a daycare for the kids and it would cost them a small fortune considering what they are paying her, she picks her battles and this wasnt one of them.  I do feel for my MIL because watching the kids is hard work, she is exhausted at the end of the day and truly loves her days off.  It also makes me sad because she is so burnt out that she doesnt really play with my children and thinks just sitting there holding them is playing, nevermind my oldest doesnt want to be bothered by being held. 
    I hope you are able to find a happy medium with your mother in law tho!
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: TV Time

    IPW, I have the same problem with my folks and TV, they have DD two days a week. I don't let myself sweat it, but the same thing has crossed my mind. I figure, they raised me the same way and I am relatively normal :)

    I've also thought about trying to find some sort of toy or screen or something like one of those indoor play tents that blocks the busy TV screen from DD view. She's crawling now, so they have those collapsable tubes kids can crawl through. Putting a blanket over the side of the pack and play so the screen is blocked is another helpful thing. Now that the weather is nice, maybe leaving the carriage with them so they can get out for walks everyday.

    Maybe if you focus just on the visual part of it, limiting his ability to see busy busy images on the screen (not turn off the tv) that would make the conversation easier.

    HTH
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: TV Time

    I am not sure that having the tv on in the background is really much different than having a child sit in front of the tv. 
    1) Kids can absorb what they are hearing.
    2) It may be encouraging them to "need" background noise.  I think there is something to be said for quiet and silence.
    3) I am not sure that this is any different in terms of affect on attention when they get older.  I don't think anyone knows this answer b/c to my knowledge it has not been studied.

    I spend all day every day encouraging people to take tvs out of bedrooms too (both adults and kids).  It is terrible for maintaining good sleep habits.  They almost never do. 
    I can only imagine all the creative stuff we would not have done growing up if we had a tv in our bedrooms.

    Sorry for the unsolicited 2 cents.

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Trouble30. Show Trouble30's posts

    Re: TV Time

    Luck - intersting comment.  Like Lost, we also don't have TV at all in our house, but we do listen to the radio.  Both NPR and music.  This is sort of background noise for an infant/toddler too, right?  So would you also recommend no radio?  Or no talk radio?  DD really loves music and even dances to it.
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from rhm327. Show rhm327's posts

    Re: TV Time

    trouble, I see background music as different than background tv. Ds loves music. We still don't do tv for him at 14 months old.
    Btw, I liked Daisy's idea of maybe having MIL come to your house to watch your lo.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from IPWBride. Show IPWBride's posts

    Re: TV Time

    Luck, I agree with you (although we have a TV in our bedroom... my DH likes to fall asleep to the news).  I was never allowed TV (or phone for that matter) in my bedroom growing up.  Which I think has helped me now as an adult be able to do stuff without it.  Last night while DH was working in his home office, I read a magazine for an hour.  What a treat!  DH definitely would have put on the tube if he had the spare hour.  Not that I don't also watch TV sometimes, but I like that I know how NOT to watch TV and do other things.

    I thought there were some studies about early TV potentially leading to ADD problems?  Something about the young mind getting so used to images moving so fast that once in a much slower classroom or situation at home, they get so bored and can't focus.  Perhaps I just read someone's theory and not a real study.  That is a worry of mine, but I also worry about the sedentary population we are becoming.  This is a generalization, so I know there are exceptions, but kids seem more interested in being on their computers, their cellphones, watching TV or playing video games than actually doing stuff.  Being outside, doing crafts, sports, dance, etc.  Although I probably can't blame TV in totality for that...
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: TV Time

    Very interesting thread.

    Luck - do you have access to any specific studies that you feel are valid that have talked about the detriments of tv - even tv in the background?  I would like to curb the tv watching in our house but I don't know how on-board DH and MIL will be.  I have found, however, that if I forward info to DH with a comment like, "Interesting!" and let him read the info on his own, he's more likely to "listen".  Then at least he and I could be on the same page, which would help with telling MIL.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from lemonmelon. Show lemonmelon's posts

    Re: TV Time

    I can imagine that tv leads to concentration problems because you don't develop that skill early on, but as far as proper ADD goes, I think you're either born with it or not. I have ADD and we didn't have tv when I was growing up. My friends who grew up belly-down with their noses pressed to the screen all day and night don't have ADD. It's just a thing you have in your brain.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from ml2620-2. Show ml2620-2's posts

    Re: TV Time


    Lemon - This is off topic. You have ADD? I am so shocked :)

    My husband has ADD, and it's definitely had an impact on how we have parented DD so far and will be parenting her in the future (like, schedules and routines are totally off the fall). I've looked for info about ADD and parenting, but everything out there is about parenting an ADD child, not parenting with ADD. If you have any time and words of wisdom to do a separate post on things that have helped you, I'd love to hear them.

    Not sure how to send PMs so apologies for the hijack, and for putting you on the spot.
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from poppy609. Show poppy609's posts

    Re: TV Time

    Not to hijack the hijack, but I agree with Lemon re: ADD.  However I do wonder about general (or specific) detriments linked to tv that aren't ADD related.
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from Winter2011Bride. Show Winter2011Bride's posts

    Re: TV Time

    I have ADD and my son has ADHD.  I didn't grow up glued to the television, though I did watch some as a child but not all day.  I agree with Lemon that it is something that you are born with and according to a doctor it can run in the family.  ML, I'm not sure how I get parenting with ADD to be any different then regular parenting.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from luckinlife. Show luckinlife's posts

    Re: TV Time

    Certainly there are many factors that probably cause ADD.  It does not always run in families.  However, there are several studies (just did OVID search) linking ADD and television viewing.  Of course, it is impossible to do double blind studies and placebo in this situation which makes it very difficulty to imply causality.  However, studies certainly point in the direction that television viewing and attention may be linked.

    With regard to music I don't know of any issues.

    The only reason I don't listen to NPR is because of the content.  I think I can still listen to "Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me".

     

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