Giving up trying for #3

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from susan66. Show susan66's posts

    Giving up trying for #3

    I am very grateful for my 2 kids and have been trying for #3 for 14 months with 3 early miscarriages (this year: Feb, June and August). I am 36 and doc says nothing is wrong with either of us. I guess it is time to stop but it is hard for me to actually declare ourselves "done." My doc wants me to think about it for another month but it has been exhausting and disappointing with all the bloodwork, ultrasounds etc to come up unsuccessful. Thoughts? Again, I am very grateful for the 2 kids I have and realize that my TTC situation is nothing compared to other ladies. Thanks
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from siena09. Show siena09's posts

    Re: Giving up trying for #3

    I'm sorry for your losses. I don't think anyone can tell you when it is time to stop trying, but I also don't think that three losses necessarily mean that you have no chance of conceiving a healthy child (unless your doctor has told you otherwise).  I have had two pregnancy losses in the past year though, so I understand the toll that takes and the accompanying frustration and grief.  Definitely take your time before deciding what you want to do.

    Have you pursued recurrent pregnancy loss testing with your doctor?  This would include a workup for blood clotting abnormalities, autoimmune disease, thyroid problems for you, and genetic translocations on you or DH. Also some imaging--like a sonohistogram--to check for uterine abnormalities. After three losses, I think it would typically be indicated to work up some of these things.  However, it is  still entirely likely that these three events were just "random" chromosomal abnormalities without any real explanation, and that you still have a good chance of conceiving a healthy baby naturally.  This particularly true if your losses were early on (like before 8 or 10 weeks).

    best wishes to you & your family with whatever you decide.

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Giving up trying for #3

    Sorry for your losses. I had one m/c and know it would be insanely disappointing to have more. My second thought is that it's when people *really* give up that it seems they get pregnant, everything is fine, and they are super stunned. So, with that said, give up entirely, it's hopeless. ;) And just because you have two kids doesn't mean you don't deserve to be sad for your losses or for not having another if it doesn't happen and you had hoped for/expected another.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from BDCKristi. Show BDCKristi's posts

    Re: Giving up trying for #3

    I am so sorry for your losses.
    While I have not had a loss I can relate to not wanting to declare yourself done. I have 2 children as well and have always wanted 3. But many factors are pointing to us being done and that makes me a bit sad. I need to let go of that vision I had of a bigger family and I'm not quite there yet. Having said that, I am thankful every day for the two I have.
    Good luck with your decision.
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Chiclet831. Show Chiclet831's posts

    Re: Giving up trying for #3

    Sorry for your losses Susan.

    You didn't mention what kind of testing you've had before your doctor declared that you're both fine. If it were me, I wouldn't want to keep trying without answers as to what's causing the miscarriages. Three within such a short timeframe seems like more than a coincidence. I would push for more testing and maybe even a second opinion. At least if you knew what was causing it, you could decide whether you're really done or not. It doesn't sound like you want to be done. I just don't feel like you have enough information to make a decision yet.

    Good luck! I hope you find the answers you need! 


     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from luvRIboy. Show luvRIboy's posts

    Re: Giving up trying for #3

    We're still waiting for the arrival of #2 here, but in our big-picture talks have always talked about the potential for a #3.  Like so many, I've also experienced a MC; mine was of my first pregnancy and I still get emotional about it and mourn that loss, 2 1/2 years and almost now 2 viable pregnancies after the fact. 

    I think you and your husband have to talk about if you're open to the possibility of dealing with another loss.  If you're not, then you've decided that it's time to close the door on the idea of #3.  If you are, then that means that you're open to the possibility of a viable pregnancy as well.  I think it's figuring out if you're willing to accept that there is the possibility that something could go wrong. 

    One thing I've noticed among friends who have had miscarriages vs. those who have not (it's similar for what I've seen in friends who have gone through infertility, which is a different sort of loss): once you've had one, you never take a healthy pregnancy for granted, and there's a lot more walking on eggshells until you reach each of the milestones (seeing a heartbeat on an ultrasound, then hearing it, then the 12 week and 18 week ultrasounds).  That's not a bad thing; it's more like hedging your bets so that your heart isn't broken again and again. It just comes down to if you and your husband are willing to take that chance.

    Good luck wherever you end up on this journey!
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from misslily. Show misslily's posts

    Re: Giving up trying for #3

    I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your losses. I had a m/c before having my twins and it was so horrible emotionally. I think you're very brave.
    And I know the feeling of wishing for more kids. I'm so lucky to have had my twins when I did. I was 45 when I delivered so I knew it really was my last chance. Once they were about 12 months old I was very wistful that I'd never have another baby - and that I'd never know what it's like to have just one. All those lovely images of mommies rocking baby to sleep in the glider simply don't happen that much when you have two at once!
    Best wishes to you and your beatiful family.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from Micromom. Show Micromom's posts

    Re: Giving up trying for #3

    Unless there's a specific reason to make a finite decision, maybe consider just easing up a little bit.  Give yourself some time to think, give your body some time to recover and just see what happens.  There are so many emotions and ideals and preconceptions involved, it can feel very urgent and intense.  A little time to breathe and understand your thoughts a little bit better may help.  Consider talking with a professional to help you navigate the journey with some guidance.

    My own experiences  with pregnancy and childbirth were not at all as I'd expected or imagined or saw on TV (one very premature birth, one anxious high risk pregnancy).  In addition to the complications, I had a hard time letting go of certain conventional ideas that I didn't even know I  had.

    I think that there are a lot of things like television, tradition, family history or pressure, lifelong daydreams etc. that contribute to our own ideals and it can be hard to evolve those ideas when things don't go according to plan.  In the end you'll make peace with whatever happens, but it's a process.  Good luck!
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from Trouble30. Show Trouble30's posts

    Re: Giving up trying for #3

    Oh Susan, I'm so sorry for your losses.  I clicked on your post because while I haven't started trying for my 3rd yet, I think I might need to (and possibly want to) give up on hopes for a 3rd.  I used to think that I wanted to have 3 or more, but like Kristi, when thinking about what that entails in terms of long term financials (trips overseas to see family) and even the short term problem of what car we'd need, DH and I are wondering if it's best to stop at 2.  I can't bring myself to offcially say, "done" yet, and so I'm taking a little breather to mull it over.  As others have said, that might be your best route for now... to maybe stop trying but also not preventing (although I am actively preventing).  Best of luck to you!!
     

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