Timing question

  1. You have chosen to ignore posts from ALF72. Show ALF72's posts

    Re: Timing question

    We've been TTC for 3 years w/ one M/C in there.  Chances are you are not going to get pg the first month you try [you may, but it's unlikely].  Even if you did, you'd be 4-5 mo pg at the time of the wedding.  You should not have any major problem fitting into a dress then - an empire style probably wouldn't even need to be altered.  I am a firm believer in not saying anything until you actually are pg and have made it through the first trimester.  Seeing as this bride has 3 pg BMs already, she doesn't sound like the kind of lady who is going to freak out if she suddenly finds that one of her wedding party may need to make some changes/alteration to the chosen attire.  With 3 currently pg BMs, she's probably also planning on a style where post partum women can be comfy, so if you are pg, the style of the dress should work for you
    anyway.  I'd keep mum at this point. 

    Have fun trying!
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Timing question

    Thanks, ALF--that was my initial thought, but I just wanted another opinion. (I asked DH and he helpfully came back with, "I dunno.") 

    It's probably silly to assume that we'll get pregnant right away anyway. I've never had a normal period before going on BC (skip a summer, get it twice the next month, etc) and I don't know how my cycles will be after BC. I just didn't want to do anything untoward for SIL's wedding and planning.

    It's fun being in this place, though. DH is very zen about TTC and I'm the one freaking out. We have a great system: I freak out about things I can't control and he freaks out about things he can control. Tongue out
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from Rirlo01. Show Rirlo01's posts

    Re: Timing question

    Happy New Year, everyone!  

    This is exciting, WPP!  (OT: I have always found your screen name and avatar adorable!)  I'm no help at all, as DH and I just married in November and aren't yet TTC.  FWIW, though, if I were you, I wouldn't say anything to your SIL.  Congrats to her, by the way!  

    You make me laugh re: freaking out.  My DH and I are funny like that, too; he's calm when I'm a mess and vice versa.  We balance one another, which is one of the things that tells me we're meant for each other.  
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Timing question

    Thanks, Rirlo! That's Moopers in the photo. His real name is Jake, but we call him Moopers, lol. 

    It's a perfect balance, isn't it? At least someone is always calm! I was nervous when we started talking about TTC, but he just said, "I don't think it's something you can be completely ready for because no one knows what they're doing. You just have to do it." Sage-like warrior, and this from the guy who a few years ago was hyperventilating over the prospect of getting engaged.

    Belated congratulations on your wedding!
     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Rirlo01. Show Rirlo01's posts

    Re: Timing question

    Thank you so much!  : )  I am so bad for not posting reviews yet; maybe I should make that another NY resolution.  So far, DH and I have agreed to return to reading and quit chewing on our hands (so gross, we know).  
    Love the name Moopers!  I adore nicknames in general.  

    And, yes, the balance is priceless!  DH likes to say he's simple and I'm complex, but I he's an enigma.  Yours, too!  :)

    ETA: By enigma, I mean mysterious in a good way!  I'm happy to have him surprise me by stepping up with logic/reason (and some sympathy) when I'm being nutty and allowing me to be the strong one at other times.  Sometimes, I'm just intrigued by which things are easy for him and which things throw him for a loop.  
     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Timing question

    I wouldn't even consider saying anything before actually getting pregnant.  I've been TTC for 2 years - how odd would it be for me to warn someone I might be pg next Summer just because we're trying?  Deal with it only if you clearly must.
     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Timing question

    I'm with ALF, WPP.  She makes a great point about how your SIL is already dealing with pregnant BMs anyway.  What's one more?  :o)
    Good luck!

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from purplecow89. Show purplecow89's posts

    Re: Timing question

    Don't worry, everyone will be watching you (and every under 45 attached female) at the reception to see if you drink, that's how they will know you are pg or are trying.

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Timing question

    Ah, I don't think people pay that close attention. I only drink about four times a year anyway, so it's more normal for me to have a ginger ale than a margarita. 

    Kar, you make a good argument that it would be weird to say anything. You really can't time these things (though that would be nice for all of the neurotic people like me). :)
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from Novembride. Show Novembride's posts

    Re: Timing question

    Plus, if you let people know you are trying, you'll get even more nosy questions than you otherwise would.  We just started trying last month and haven't told anyone.  But for the last year or so, every time I said I was tired, or had a headache, or complained about getting a pimple, it was "are you pregnant?", "maybe you're pregnant", " you could be pregnant".  I think if people knew we were trying I would feel like I was under a microscpe with my ILs looking for any little sign.  As much as I would love to let just my mother know, its nice having it as a special secret between me & DH.

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from thistleflower. Show thistleflower's posts

    Re: Timing question

    I completely agree with Kargiver--I wouldn't say anything.  First, because chances are if you're pregnant by then you won't be so big that it makes much difference, but also because if you don't get pregnant right away or if you have other troubles it will be a lot easier if you're not carrying the expectations (and potentially the disappointment) of a lot of other people. 
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from Rirlo01. Show Rirlo01's posts

    Re: Timing question

    Novembride, we're not even TTC yet, but I keep having the exact same thoughts about maybe wanting to let my mom in on it, and then realizing how neat it'll be to have a secret with only DH! 



     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Timing question

    In Response to Re: Timing question:
    [QUOTE]Ah, I don't think people pay that close attention. I only drink about four times a year anyway, so it's more normal for me to have a ginger ale than a margarita.  Posted by WhirledPeasPlease[/QUOTE]

    You would think that would be true, but people are nuts!!  I also only drink a few times a year, but my best girlfriends especially were on the lookout.  I was thinking, You of all people should know it's normal for me to not be drinking!!  (Of course, they were right that I was 6-7 weeks pregnant lol.)
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    Re: Timing question

    Apparently DH's whole family knew at his sister's wedding (2 days after i confirmed pregnancy) due to the signs of bloodwork in my arm. At least, that's what they tell me...so there are other signs besides drinking, to exceptionally nosy/perceptive people. :-)

    Just to echo everyone's thoughts - don't say anything unless you want a lot of people asking you lots of questions that are totally none of their business. Considering how much of those you get when you are pregnant, enjoy this last bit of privacy you and your DH can have. :-)

    and, GOOD LUCK and have fun!
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from jettagirl78. Show jettagirl78's posts

    Re: Timing question

    I agree with others...there is really no need to tell your sil. But funny story is when I got engaged 4 years ago I asked my best friend to be my matron of honor and we jumped up and down and did all of that...and then she got really serious told me that her and her dh were ttc and we hugged and jumped up and down some more! LOL And I was like as long as you can make it to the wedding, I don't care what you wear! She had her DD 10 days prior to the wedding...yes she found out she was pregnant the month we were engaged! :) It worked out...she did come and stood by me! :) And actually she got a fabulous dress to wear too!

    So you never do know! Good luck and definitely have fun! :)
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from ajuly09. Show ajuly09's posts

    Re: Timing question

    In Response to Re: Timing question:
    [QUOTE]Thanks, Rirlo! That's Moopers in the photo. His real name is Jake, but we call him Moopers, lol.  It's a perfect balance, isn't it? At least someone is always calm! I was nervous when we started talking about TTC, but he just said, "I don't think it's something you can be completely ready for because no one knows what they're doing. You just have to do it." Sage-like warrior, and this from the guy who a few years ago was hyperventilating over the prospect of getting engaged. Belated congratulations on your wedding!
    Posted by WhirledPeasPlease[/QUOTE]
    Woah WPP, HOW did you get the name moopers??! That's what we call our dog, and the nickname came about through many nicknames that morphed into moopers. That is too weird!! 

    Also congrats on TTC! I agree with ALF, make sure your dress is empire waist and you'll be all set, even if you are 5 mon preg. Usually BM dresses come with an extra inch or so of fabric that can be let out, so if need be, you should be fine! 
     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Timing question

    Wow, people are crazy with their pregnancy stalking. Here's a spinoff question for everyone: how long did you wait to tell your families that you're pregnant? 

    SIL chose the same dress for everyone, a long strapless with some ruching (which I can never spell) below the bust. It's pretty; I'll just have to find a good bra because I have nothing to hold the dress up! SurprisedEmbarassed

    Ajuly, we named him Jake from a Stephen King novel (the Dark Tower series). Guinea pigs make these noises called chortling that sound like he's walking around saying, "Moop moop," and henceforth he was Moopers! How did you get the nickname for your dog?
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from pomgreen. Show pomgreen's posts

    Re: Timing question

    I am not TTC (or even close) but I would like to offer an outside opinion on the timing of telling people you are TTC or even pregnant.  I think the mantra "no one needs to know until you start to show" is perfect.  You could start to tell some close family/friends around the end of the first trimester but earlier than that and you run into the same issues as telling them you are TTC.  Things happen and for the people I know who have had issues, the last thing they want is people bugging them about the "what happened?"

    On the other hand, a facebook friend could not have even gotten her clothes back on before she posted about her pregnancy.  We got all the updates after every dr appt until the baby was born.  Everyone thought it was super weird but clearly she didn't so good for her.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from kargiver. Show kargiver's posts

    Re: Timing question

    I told my mom and cousin (we're very close) the day we got the BFP.  We were waiting until the 12 week mark to tell everyone else, even DH's family (at his request).  Good thing we did.  We were pg 2 weeks.

    Only tell people before 12 weeks that you would also want to tell you lost a very early pregnancy - it happens ALL THE TIME, especially with the super duper sensitive tests.  Before those, people lost early pregnancies thinking they just got their regular period and were none the wiser.
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from KAM2007. Show KAM2007's posts

    Re: Timing question

    This happened to a friend last year. The day we went dress shopping she told the bride she was TTC and didn't know what dress size to buy.  we were 5 mo out from the wedding, I mentioned with the dress style (empire waist) she should be fine if she went up a size since she wasn't pregnant.


    Little did she know she had just gotten pregnant, I mean that day. So she was 5 mo preggers at the wedding, and ended up wearing my dress that was one size bigger than she bought. Everything worked out just fine. The bride didn't stress, at all and there was a great dress switch 3 weeks before the wedding with the bride calm as could be.

    But I  think that was a rare situation (the chances of the pregnancy that day-not the bride's calmness).


    I wouldn't announce your plans to TTC, unless you are super close, and willing to give monthly updates. if anything, buy a size bigger and see what happens. OR see how long you can wait to actually order the dress.

     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from SilverFestiva. Show SilverFestiva's posts

    Re: Timing question

    We told our parents right away, and the rest of my siblings after the first ultrasound where we had confirmed the heartbeat. It is a very personal choice, and I think one that you can only make when you're faced with the situtation.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Timing question

    I told 2 of my best friends right away - so at 4-5 weeks.  We intended to wait until 12 weeks for everyone else, but at 10 weeks we had a wedding to attend where I knew my friends were going to figure it out.  We had already had an ultrasound to date the pregnancy, so we knew it was progressing as it should.  We told our parents at 10 weeks 3 days and then a bunch of friends the next day.

    I see the wisdom of waiting until 12 weeks when the possibility of miscarriage supposedly goes way down (I haven't read up on it, hence the supposedly), HOWEVER it is a personal decision and after having an u/s and also hearing the heartbeat on the doppler, I felt it was perfectly safe to share the news.

     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from ajuly09. Show ajuly09's posts

    Re: Timing question

    In Response to Re: Timing question:
    [QUOTE]Wow, people are crazy with their pregnancy stalking. Here's a spinoff question for everyone: how long did you wait to tell your families that you're pregnant?  SIL chose the same dress for everyone, a long strapless with some ruching (which I can never spell) below the bust. It's pretty; I'll just have to find a good bra because I have nothing to hold the dress up!  Ajuly, we named him Jake from a Stephen King novel (the Dark Tower series). Guinea pigs make these noises called chortling that sound like he's walking around saying, "Moop moop," and henceforth he was Moopers! How did you get the nickname for your dog?
    Posted by WhirledPeasPlease[/QUOTE]
    I was asking DH how we got the name moopers and now we have no idea! We called her mup, mupdog, then muppy (my puppy), and some how got moop, then moopers. She has 100 names, but we call her Moopers more than her own name, Sammy. 
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from WhirledPeasPlease. Show WhirledPeasPlease's posts

    Re: Timing question

    I can understand sharing the news with select people close to you early on. You have a support system for good news (and, though hopefully avoided, bad news).

    My mom had five miscarriages before I was born and then the doctors predicted I would be sillborn, then die before age 2, and then have mental disabilities. I don't know how many people my parents told about their problems, but it was definitely hard for them. And apparently doctors were mean in the 80s. My mom almost decked a woman who told her that only having one kid would be detrimental to my development (but I'm outgoing and know how to share!).
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from framerican51008. Show framerican51008's posts

    Re: Timing question

    WPP - They definitely were mean and more forceful!  My bro was born in '84 when my mother was around 37.  The doctors told her she should have an abortion because he was going to have downs syndrome or other mental disabilities... which he does not.
     

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