Re: Update : bet Red vs Stanley
posted at 11/2/2013 7:57 AM EDT
Fletch, you forgot a few. Like Jamie Tardif. You know, the guy who had 30 goals in the AHL last year and should therefore have been in Boston even though he's a 28 year old AHL vet who couldn't even crack the Sabres lineup this year? 'Course, there'd be no room for him if the Bruins had listened to Stanley and brought up 28-goal man in Providence, Mikko Lehtonen; but then, how would Bern in the Swiss-A replace the 2-5-7 line in 18 games he's provided them this year?
Folks, not that you need it, but at great risk to his earning potential on QVC, I now give you, one time only and completely free of charge: The Stanley Method.
1. Look at scoring leaders in Providence.
2. Look at the top of Bruins' prospect rankings on hockeysfuture.com.
3. Look for one of those prospects/AHL scoring leaders who has done something...anything...in the NHL even over an extremely short period of time.
4. At various times during the year, tell everyone how, if you were GM, the scoring leaders in Providence/player with limited and grossly distorted NHL experience would be in Boston in place of an established veteran whose role is not based primarily on point production. Repeat incessantly.
5a. (If one of the players you are crowing about plays well) Remind everyone that you "spotted this talent before anyone." Add to your resume of reasons why you should replace Peter Chiarelli after the Bruins' next two-game losing "streak".
5b. (For the players who never make the jump or, when they do, perform like drunken Ivan Humls) write the names of these players on slips of flash paper. Drink two shots of Knob Creek, hit yourself in the head with a rubber mallet, sing the Forgetting Song, burn the slips of paper. Never talk about these players again.
6. When 5b fails, particularly when you are called on your love of players who did not break out - acknowledge that you have fallen out of love with the player, blame the player for not living up to his potential, then immediately shift to why as GM you would have traded the player for an All-Star before anyone else could see he wouldn't live up to his potential. Telling people you and Cam Neely have discussed this over mojitos impresses people enough that they forget that you're batting a David Freese like .093. (Note: F U David Freese - god I hate the Cardinals!)