YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

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  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from BadHabitude. Show BadHabitude's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

    One day, a man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.  

    Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager,  "Some jerk out there wants to buy only half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman wants to buy the other half."   The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.  

    Later the manager found the boy and said "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?" 

    "Canada, sir," the boy replied.

    "Well, why did you leave Canada," the manager asked.   The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but hoes and hockey players up there." 

    "Really!" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada!"  

    The boy replied, "No kidding? What team did she play for?"

     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from Not-A-Shot. Show Not-A-Shot's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

    Good one, BHab!

     

     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Not-A-Shot. Show Not-A-Shot's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

    A friend of mine sent this out yesterday:

    Q:  What do you call a computer that can't sing?

     

     

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    A:  A Dell

     
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  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from mikzor. Show mikzor's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

    In response to Not-A-Shot's comment:

    A friend of mine sent this out yesterday:

    Q:  What do you call a computer that can't sing?

     

     

    .

    .

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    .

    .

     

    A:  A Dell



    Okay, I guffawed on that one.

     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from Don-Bruino. Show Don-Bruino's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

    A Postman started his rounds on his last day of work after 45 years with the Postal Service.

    At the first house, the couple presented him with a $100 gift certificate at the Bruins Pro Shop.

    The second house gifted him two tickets to a Bruins' game.

    The third house gifted him an autographed picture of "The Goal" by Bobby Orr.

    When he arrived at the fourth house, the door swung open. He walked inside and there standing before him was the lady of the house in a frilly nightgown.

    "Mrs. Jones, what are you doing?!" He exclaimed.

    "Please come upstairs," she said as she led him up the stairs to her bedroom.

    For the next hour and a half Mrs. Jones pleasured the retiring Postman in every manner possible. She then led him back down the stairs.

    As he was about to leave, Mrs. Jones cried out, "Oh, I almost forgot!" She ran to the closet, got her purse and extracted a $1.00 bill which she gave to the Postman.

    The Postman was stunned. "What's the dollar for?", he asked.

    "When I asked my husband what we should get you for your retirement he said - "F--k him, give him a dollar." she replied. " So that is what I'm doing."

     

     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from jmwalters. Show jmwalters's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

     

     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from mikzor. Show mikzor's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

    Lol.

     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from StanleyCuptotheBruinsin2011. Show StanleyCuptotheBruinsin2011's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

    Do you know the story about a boston.com reader that became BRUINS GM ....he sent all his good friends from this board (all the ones that never said a bad word on him) a pair of box seats tickets for a Bruins game of their choice...to all the others he sent them a frozen puck ....5 years later the Boston Bruins won 3 more Stanley Cups.....and all the bad mouths wanted to become his friend 

     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from mikzor. Show mikzor's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

    In response to StanleyCuptotheBruinsin2011's comment:

    Do you know the story about a boston.com reader that became BRUINS GM ....he sent all his good friends from this board (all the ones that never said a bad word on him) a pair of box seats tickets for a Bruins game of their choice...to all the others he sent them a frozen puck ....5 years later the Boston Bruins won 3 more Stanley Cups.....and all the bad mouths wanted to become his friend 




    Is that the one with Rapunzel and the hair thing?

     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from Crowls2424. Show Crowls2424's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

    In response to mikzor's comment:

    In response to StanleyCuptotheBruinsin2011's comment:

     

    Do you know the story about a boston.com reader that became BRUINS GM ....he sent all his good friends from this board (all the ones that never said a bad word on him) a pair of box seats tickets for a Bruins game of their choice...to all the others he sent them a frozen puck ....5 years later the Boston Bruins won 3 more Stanley Cups.....and all the bad mouths wanted to become his friend 

     




    Is that the one with Rapunzel and the hair thing?

     



    More like; "it puts the lotion in the basket"...

     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from mikzor. Show mikzor's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

    In response to Crowls2424's comment:

    In response to mikzor's comment:

     

    In response to StanleyCuptotheBruinsin2011's comment:

     

    Do you know the story about a boston.com reader that became BRUINS GM ....he sent all his good friends from this board (all the ones that never said a bad word on him) a pair of box seats tickets for a Bruins game of their choice...to all the others he sent them a frozen puck ....5 years later the Boston Bruins won 3 more Stanley Cups.....and all the bad mouths wanted to become his friend 

     




    Is that the one with Rapunzel and the hair thing?

     

     



    More like; "it puts the lotion in the basket"...

     



    Hahahahaa

     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from kelvana33. Show kelvana33's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

    A duck walked into a pet shop and asked the man at the registar if he sold duck food. The man said no. The next day the duck came back to the store and and asked "do you have any duck food?"..The man replied "no". A day later the duck comes back into the store and asks the man again "do you have any duck food?" .The man at the regiastar looking angry said "no, and if you come back in here and ask me one more time, I'm going to nail those webbed feet of yours right to the floor!"....Very next day, the duck shows up, looks at the man at the registar and asks "Do you have any nails?"..The man replies "no"...The duck then says, "good, do you have any duck food?"

     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from Bookboy007. Show Bookboy007's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

    Best thread ever.

     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from mikzor. Show mikzor's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

    Hehehe

    Null and a duck walk into a bar and the bartender says "Sorry, we dont serve anything fowl in here." The duck turns to Null and says "You dont mind waiting in the car do you?"

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from Ergoetal. Show Ergoetal's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

    A city slicker is driving on the back roads of Kentucky when he sees a sign in front of an old ramshackle house.  The sign says "Talking Dog for Sale."

    He stops, honks his horn, and out comes an old guy with a small mutt on a leash.  He asks the old man about the dog.  

    "Is this the talking dog?"

    "Yep."

    "How much are you asking?"

    "Ten bucks."

    "Is that all? Why so cheap," he says, barely controlling his laughter.

    "He ain't worth nothing', that's why.  Go ahead.  Ask him about himself."

    The fellow looked at the dog, but before he could say anything the dog started talking.

    "Well, I don't know what it is, but I've always had this gift, ever since I was a little pup.  I grew up thinking I was kind of a freak, but then one day some government men came and they wanted to hire me to go with them for some negotiations that were taking place in Europe.

    "I think it was the CIA that brought me there, but I never knew for sure.  But I got my first plane ride out of it, and the best food I ever tasted.  Then they brought me into the negotiating room and sat me down near the wall.

    "In the middle of the negotiations the CIA guy asked if they could take a break to go to the bathroom.  The Americans all left the room, and when they did the other guys started talking about how they were going to trick them in the negotiations.

    "I heard everything, of course, so when we got back to the hotel room I told them everything the guys had said.  The CIA liked me so much that they kept me on their payroll for more than 10 years."

    ___________________

    The city slicker was amazed.  He turned to the old man and said "Are you kidding -- and you'd sell this dog for 10 bucks?  Why so little?

    The old man took out his pipe, looked at the dog, then looked up at the man.

    "Cause he's nothing but a liar.  All that stuff he just said, all about the CIA?  He just made that up."

     

     

     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from kelvana33. Show kelvana33's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

    Some good stuff here..I say everyone adds a joke, have it in by Monday night..Tuesday we vote for the winner.

     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from mikzor. Show mikzor's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

    Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth die in a car crash together and both arrive at St Peters gates in heaven at the same time. St Peter tells them they only have space for one of them in Heaven. Dolly Parton pulls her shirt up and shows off her b**bs. "Nice" St Peter says.

    Queen Elizabeth pulls her pants down and starts douching. Dolly Parton is shocked when St Peter says "You win Queen" and lets her in. "How is it she wins with that disgusting display and my big breasts lose?" Dolly asks.

    St Peter replies "Everyone knows a pair never beats a Royal Flush".

     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from Not-A-Shot. Show Not-A-Shot's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

    In response to kelvana33's comment:

    A duck walked into a pet shop and asked the man at the registar if he sold duck food. The man said no. The next day the duck came back to the store and and asked "do you have any duck food?"..The man replied "no". A day later the duck comes back into the store and asks the man again "do you have any duck food?" .The man at the regiastar looking angry said "no, and if you come back in here and ask me one more time, I'm going to nail those webbed feet of yours right to the floor!"....Very next day, the duck shows up, looks at the man at the registar and asks "Do you have any nails?"..The man replies "no"...The duck then says, "good, do you have any duck food?"




    Wicked, wicked funny.

     
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  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from BsLegion. Show BsLegion's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

    thanks guys for the good laughs !!! Needed it tonight .

     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from jalvis. Show jalvis's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

    One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible drunk drivers. At closing time he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.

    The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered a Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.

    The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy."

     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from BadHabitude. Show BadHabitude's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

    ducks!

    Reminds me of my favorite joke of all time.

    You have your basic cocck fight and gambling going on.

    How can you tell who is the Polish guy?

    He's the one who brought a duck!

    How can you tell the Mafia is there?

    The duck wins!

    I just love that joke.

     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from Mutant211. Show Mutant211's posts

    Re: YAY - O’Halloran back on the B's bench

    A guy gets pulled over by the cop.  When the cop asks him if he knew why he pulled the guy over the guy says "No."

    "Because you ran that stop sign back there" replied the cop. 

    "Aw, c'mon," the guy said.  "I slowed down."

    "You didn't stop."

    "Yeah, but I slowed down.  What's the big deal?"

    "You didn't stop."

    The guy angrily snaps at the cop "Look, you don't have to be a d1ck about it.  I slowed down."

    The cop grabs the guy, yanks him out of a car, and starts beating on him with his billy club, one hit after another in rapid succession.  After about a minute of this the cop says "Now, do you want me to slow down, or do you want me to stop?"

     

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