Re: Christmas 2011 REPORT CARD
posted at 12/26/2011 1:01 PM EST
In Response to Christmas 2011 REPORT CARD
[QUOTE] 2011 Christmas REPORT CARD Another great year for us Patriots' fans is drawing to a climax with the NFL play-offs looming. It's been all good thus far this season,. On Christmas Eve, Santa Claus came through for us, with a come from behind, 27-24 win over the Miami Dolphins. With this win, Santa gift-wrapped for us probable home field advantage throughout the AFC play-offs, a bye-week to get some of the walking wounded, like Logan Mankins (knee), Matt Light (ankle), Sebastien Vollmer (back), Wes Welker (knee), Patrick Chung (foot), Brandon Spikes (knee), and Devin McCourty (psyche) healthy. That said, here are my grades: I. Santa Claus: The Pats weren't being good in the first half against Miami, and this almost cost them big-time with Santa. Fortunately, the "Jolly One" looks at the big picture, and gave the Pats 30 minutes to redeem themselves. In that time, the Patriots were on their best behavior...and were very good. As a result, Santa showered them with the aforementioned gifts. But, there was more. Santa has bestowed upon Patriots' fans the following gifts: 1.) The 2011 Indianapolis Colts: The play of the "Keystone Colts" throughout this season has been a source of great humour and joy to Patriots' fans everywhere. Watching Curtis Painter trying to impersonate an NFL QB, watching Indy head coach Jim Caldwell on the sidelines, searching for a clue, and reading some of the most inane and ridiculous comments from Plow-horse leader, Bill Polian, has been a laugh a minute! Thank you, Santa! 2.) The 2011 N.Y. Jets: After that disappointing playoff loss last season, beating the Rexies handily twice, wresting the AFC East from them again, and seeing them on the verge of failing to reach the play-offs this year has been a joy to behold. Thank you, Santa! 3.) The Demise of the "Dream Team": The 2011 Philadelphia Eagles seemingly signed every free agent available during the off-season. Dubbed the "Dream Team" by themselves, and, later, by the press, they crashed and burned...failing to make the NFC play-offs. The highlight to the season was the 38-20 pasting that the Patriots put on them, in Philly, in Week 12. Thank you, Santa! 4.) Tebow-mania Silenced: The Tim Tebow phenomenon in Denver seemingly had no bounds. I admire Tebow as a leader, and for his deep seeded religious values. But, love him or hate him, the guy is genuine...and was the "Rocky Balboa" of the 2011 season. But, the media was all Tebow, all the time. The record making seasons of Aaron Rodgers, Drew Brees, and Tom Brady were all but ignored by the ESPN Tebow worship. That is, until Tom Brady and the Patriots went into Denver in Week 15, and trounced the Tebowites, 41-23. Thank you, Santa! SANTA'S GRADE: A II. ELVES: The "little green men" behind the scenes enabled Santa to conduct his above listed magic. Throughout the season, Santa's helpers did the grunt work, freeing up the "Jolly One" to make his lists, check them twice, and determine which which NFL people were naughty or nice. In the end, Bill Polian, Jim Irsay, Rex Ryan, LaDainian Tomlinson, Jeff Laurie, DeSean Jackson, John Elway, and those annoying, obnoxious Denver Bronco fans who insist on screaming "IN-COM-PLETE" everytime the opposing team fails to complete a pass got theirs from the Elves, as follows: 1.) Bill Polian: The Elves worked behind the scenes, encouraging the likes of Indy Star columnist Bob Kravitz and Indy Blog "Stampede Blue" to expose Polian for the charlatan and blowhard that he really is; 2.) Jim Irsay: The "Thief From Indy", instead of having visions of sugar plums dancing in his head, had visions of ridiculous, 6th grader like tweets throughout the year. These were a source of disenchantment and embarrassment to Indy fans throughout the year; 3.) Rex Ryan: Realizing that Ryan was writing checks with his mouth that his players couldn't cash, the Elves torpedoed any further credit-line for the Fat Man...and foreclosed on the Jets' season; 4.) LaDainian Tomlinson: The years of mindless whining have caught up with the fraudulent "LT". The Elves vetoed extending his career; 5.) Jeff Laurie: Philadelphia Eagles' owner Jeff Laurie fell in disfavor for his greed...after he signed just about every top free agent, during this off-season. For his efforts, he received a lump of coal under his tree, in the form of his playoff-less "Dream Team"; 6.) DeSean Jackson: Mired throughout the season in a contract dispute with his team, Jackson seemingly put his talents on the back-burner, and instead focused on remaining healthy through this season. His attitude was a key factor in the Eagles grossly underachieving this season. His "reward" will likely come in the form of less than enthusiastic contract offers, once he becomes an unrestricted free agent; 7.) John Elway: His tepid enthusiasm for Tim Tebow was less than Christian, to say the least. Elway's conduct netted him Tebow-mania, and having a QB that he clearly doesn't want being the most popular player on his team; 8.) Bronco Fans: Apparently, Santa is as annoyed with them as we are. As a result, the Elves helped foster Tebow-mania. After weeks of building up false hopes with the Bronco faithful, the air is being let out of the Tebow balloon, in the form of a 41-23 loss to the Patriots, and an embarrassing 40-14 demolition at the hands of the Buffalo Bills. Now, Bronco fans must face up to former favorite son Kyle Orton, who they turned on just a few months ago. Orton will now have the opportunity to get the last laugh on the IN-COM-PLETE crowd: GRADE: A; III. REINDEER: Timely delivered all of the above gifts on Christmas Eve: GRADE: A. LOL!!!!
Posted by TexasPat3[/QUOTE]
Great TP. There are a few things that still remain before the playoffs to make Santa's gifts complete:
1 - A win over Buffalo
2 - The Jets being knocked out of the playoffs
3 - The Giants being knocked out of the playoffs (I hate NY)
4 - Indy to beat Jacksonville with St. Louis losing to SF (Out of Luck)
5 - West Division to beat Pittsburgh and Houston to beat the other West Division.
Us to beat.
6 - The Pats to beat that wild card and Houston to beat Baltimore
7 - The Pats to beat Houston
8 - Both GB and NO losing their divisional rounds
9 - SB #4 for the Pats