As we are just now breaking that mark of almost exactly under 2 months before the big day, I see nothing...  Here we are- Year numero quatro AND yet, somewhat sorta disturbingly, I have unearthed no coy discussions circulating about HOW We can finally bring Laz his ultimate dream birthday gift, of an RMJ Tactical Tomahawk...kestral model w/ obvious choice of shoulder strap in coyote brown handle color <obviously>. {And MAN, you party planners must have gone to some SERIOUS ends in order to keep this one under wraps, to an almost inaudible undertone a of complete & total, deadly silent and almost non-existing degree}

http://www.rmjtactical.com/

...And think of it as: An INVEST-ment.  I don't know what the futrure'll bring, Do YOU?!?  Yet in that 1 unlikely event that civilization collapses and we either have to roam the streets attempting to rebuild some good outta violent and morally devoid chaos, ala Denvel Washington as we take on road bandits in machete fights, or just try to survive the zombie onslaught on our quest for something wholesome and warming of yesteryear, like the last unspoiled Twinkie remaing on shelf, ala Woody Harrelson- That survivalist breakdown COULD happen nevertheless, beit zombies, aliens, moral-less predator gangs preying off the weak, OR republicans in office (choice D: "exemplifiers of 'ALL of the Above'"). 

So look here, either way- WHAM!: It remains simply an exceptionally wise and pretty prudent investment on your part that will pay dividends by having a fully functional warrior on your righteous behalf...waiting in the wings for that meekest of helpful plea within the faintest call of helpless danger, always & forever- Ready AND Willing: To Immediately spring into action And fight the good fight...on your behalf...You and I...side by side...'til Absolute Victory or Death's finality (unless I'm napping nearby and don't hear your cries, or maybe do, but maybe I found a street h00ker who miraculously works off of credit, while the last sole remaining act of god which could conceivably offer another impossibile feat keeping me at bay, that I couldn't hope to surpass, would be either If I ate within the past 2 hours and feel pretty full, or didn't eat but am still pretty cozy where I'm snoozing). 

Ahhh (*sigh)- Look, I know I've been a little testy and moody for the past year and a half, But what BETTER way to uplift someone out of their 'funk', by: purchasing them a Tactical Tomahawk for their dream birthday present?!!!  Really, YOU show me someone with wild mood swings, And I'LL show you someone who currently lacks, and therefore needs, 1 thing and 1 thing only: A very fast & agile multi-faced sharp weapon, yet still remains large & sturdy enough to offer up a pretty significant degree of crushing power as well.  Pssh, Now just take that comparatively:  You show me someo- you show me ANY-one WITH 1 super awesome tactical tomahawk, and I'll show you 1 Happy Camper, peacefully content in each and every facet of life...  

~~~

Yep- 1 simple, itsey-bitsey investment that won't even break the meager 500 dollar tally mark (before taxes and shipping and handling..afterwards, haha=well over half a grand)-WHICH WILL <probably> give you not 1, but ALL of the following:  Joy, Protection, Happiness, Hope, Security, Selflessness, Kindness, 1000X it's payoff in $ spent for work received back (in the more than likely event of a zombie <or otherwise> takeover/apocalypse, that it is), Health, Pleasure, Warmth, Hydration, Shelter, Better digestion, Prosperity, Complete & unwavering spiritual fulfillment, Acceptance, Bonding, Truth, Invincibility towards tooth decay and plaque, Beauty, Justice, Oh!=ro-maaaance!, Shining Intellectual brilliance, Atonement, Silliness & Fun, Zen calmness, A feeling of cotton fresh just laundered cleanliness at all times (those with poor water pressure or herpes should just wanna sign-up based off this benefit alone), Good tidings during periods of dissatisfied want, social peer acceptance world-wide from every living creature until your last dying day- Of which, I can fully guarentee won't ever occur anytime shy of your 130th birthday, Sincere Honesty in all your words and endeavors, WHICH: Allows for communication with animals and the ability to time travel, Love of laughter, Mastery of flight, and finally- far more enhanced mathematic & scientific skills at instantaneous personal computing & problem solving speeds (and nooo-this last part doesn't sound familiar simply because it's nearly word for word from that Vonage commercial playing in the background...It sooounds fami-liiiar, 'Cause It's REAL).
    Seriously...Are you gonna be that 1 person, who passes THIS up and ends up regretfully waxing an endless "could've-" and "should've beens", til your last waning day???