Re: Should Valentine be fired??
posted at 8/4/2012 11:28 AM EDT
Very little of this is Valentine's fault. He wasn't even allowed to choose his own coaches. He wasn't involved in the personnel decisions that gave him a pitching staff that is TENTH in the league. Managers cannot make wine out of water. Here is a good article about the restrictions placed on him in this job, with apologies if its posted elsewhere:
Conditioned for failure
Sox manager’s job comes with caveats
Funny the things you stumble across while perusing the help wanted section on Monster.com.
TOP MANAGEMENT POSITION AVAILABLE IN BOSTON
JOB DESCRIPTION: High-stress, high-profile, low-paying management employment. Must accept full responsibility for anything that goes wrong and take no credit for anything that goes right. Low self-esteem a decided asset for this position.
CONDITIONS OF EMPLOYMENT:
• Cannot criticize employees.
• Cannot make sarcastic remarks in the workplace.
• Cannot fill out lineup card without first consulting with team doctor, team trainer, team masseuse, team chiropractor, team dentist, team orthodontist, team psychiatrist, team psychologist, team ophthalmologist, team nutritionist, team physical therapist, team bus driver and closest two relatives of all uniformed team employees.
• Cannot have prior knowledge of any assistants. Can, however, hire one friend to look over the shoulder of company-appointed top aide-de-camp just to be sure none of you trust each other.
• Can use the word “snitch” when discussing team matters but cannot use snitch’s name . . . except on the lineup card.
• Cannot speak to any assistants unless they speak to you first. Exception made if you must call the bullpen, but please keep it brief.
• Cannot expect full effort from employees more than four days in a row by order of medical staff.
• Cannot ask pitching coach to go to the mound against his will. It’s a long walk on humid nights.
• Cannot speak to rookies in surly manner. Example of acceptable approach: Please say “Sir” when addressing Sir Will Middlebrooks.
• Cannot point out booting two balls in same inning is somewhat below company expectations, as we no longer have any expectations in this company. We feel expectations are too stressful on the employees. Exception made for sales staff.
• Must make every exchange a positive work experience. Example: “Sir Will, I understand those balls were nigh impossible to catch, seeing as how they were bouncing along the ground at such a rapid clip. We appreciate your efforts, failed though they might have been. Keep up the good work . . . if you’d like. If not, we understand the pressure you’re under here at Camp Yawkey Fields.”
• Cannot suggest a struggling starting pitcher work out of the bullpen. This is considered threatening to his (or her) self-esteem and could lead to a spate of hit batsmen, walks, loud doubles off The Wall (good seats available there for your friends, $200 each) and public embarrassment. Company position is you are the only employee who can be publicly embarrassed.
• Cannot order out during games but your employees can. A man gets hungry on the job, especially if he has to watch others doing it while he rests four days out of every five.
• Cannot speak to the media in a flippant manner. They don’t appreciate it.
• Will be provided voluminous statistical assistance. Some might actually mean something. We will tell you what does and what does not after the night’s work is done and HAL is consulted.
• Consultant available at all times to help you make decisions. He lives in Kansas, right next door to Auntie Em. Easy to find if you care to visit him; just take a right at the statue of Joe Paterno.
• You may ride your bike to work but please don’t expect employees to ride bikes. They might pull an oblique.
• Full medical insurance provided, including employee assistance program. Feel free to make use of the latter. Your secrets are safe with us. Just ask the last guy in this job.
• You will be provided a full complement of pitchers. Some may appear to be made out of tissue paper but try to be understanding. They only get 18 days off a year, or so we’ve been told. We insist you factor in the difficulty of their lives in any and all decision making.
• Full strength and conditioning staff on hand. Well-stocked weight room available, although much of the equipment is a little dusty these days.
• No sit-ups allowed.
• You may show training videos on clubhouse TVs at spring training but once team arrives in Boston, abandon this practice. Many uniformed employees are ardent followers of “The Young and the Restless” and “Judge Judy.” Why do you think we call it a “clubhouse” and not a “workplace?”
• Must buy at least 10 Red Sox [team stats] bricks per year. Adobe doesn’t come cheap in Boston.
• Must be open to team concept. After all, it’s what we’re all about.
• Job includes regular radio and TV appearances. It is expected you will say nothing on them. Failure to adhere to this policy could result in apologizing to any offended employee.
• Cannot write a book about the insanity of your working conditions after you leave unless published by Fenway Park [map] Press.
Please send applications, resume and references to:
Larry “Lucky” Lucchino
4 Yawkey Way
Boston, MA 02215