Wussball

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    Wussball

    Rookies will always remember their major League debut.
    Weiland sure will. He got ejected for pitching up & in to Vlad.
    This should give us a window into the future of the game:

    Every park/stadium must be domed. Rain will no longer be permitted.

    Player's agents will have their own union. The player's union will have a reunion - twice a year.

    Any player seen perspiring below 75 dome degrees will be allowed to leave the game upon request. The agent's union is responsible for ensuring two witnesses are present at all times.

    The average player salary will be 10 mil. One mil is considered bereavement pay.

    Pitchers caught throwing 2 inches inside will be fined and warned.
    A second violation of the two-inch rule will result in the ejections of each bench coach and team mascot.
    Three inches inside and each team loses two BP pitchers and the manager. 4 inches inside and the AAA affiliate will be asked to move.
    Hit batters will result in lifetime suspensions...with pay.

    Base-runners will no longer be permitted to run. Only jog.
    Base-joggers caught running will do community service. Batters will no longer be allowed to observe their dingers:(
    The baseball observation society will enforce weekly worship meetings to deter such a practice. Players must jog out of the box.

    Folks: Welcome to WUSSBALL. If you wish to contribute, please leave your suggestion in the automated suggestion box at gate B.
     
  2. You have chosen to ignore posts from nhsteven. Show nhsteven's posts

    Re: Wussball

    Batters who stare need to get their vision checked.
     
  3. You have chosen to ignore posts from SinceYaz. Show SinceYaz's posts

    Re: Wussball

    In Response to Wussball:
    [QUOTE]Rookies will always remember their major League debut. Weiland sure will. He got ejected for pitching up & in to Vlad. This should give us a window into the future of the game: Every park/stadium must be domed. Rain will no longer be permitted. Player's agents will have their own union. The player's union will have a reunion - twice a year. Any player seen perspiring below 75 dome degrees will be allowed to leave the game upon request. The agent's union is responsible for ensuring two witnesses are present at all times. The average player salary will be 10 mil. One mil is considered bereavement pay. Pitchers caught throwing 2 inches inside will be fined and warned. A second violation of the two-inch rule will result in the ejections of each bench coach and team mascot. Three inches inside and each team loses two BP pitchers and the manager. 4 inches inside and the AAA affiliate will be asked to move. Hit batters will result in lifetime suspensions...with pay. Base-runners will no longer be permitted to run. Only jog. Base-joggers caught running will do community service. Batters will no longer be allowed to observe their dingers:) The baseball observation society will enforce weekly worship meetings to deter such a practice. Players must jog out of the box. Folks: Welcome to WUSSBALL. If you wish to contribute, please leave your suggestion in the automated suggestion box at gate B.
    Posted by harness[/QUOTE]


    To protect the fans, clear partitions ala jai alai, will separate fans from on field activities and play.
     
  4. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sheriff-Rojas. Show Sheriff-Rojas's posts

    Re: Wussball

    Fans will wear helmets, masks, UV protected eye shields, throat and chest protectors, shin pads, steel-toed shoes, and cup or vaginal protectors to protect them from errant foul balls, refreshments, or other possible projectiles. Of course, to protect them from possible terrorists, all items will need to be rented at sanitized equipment stations throughout the ballparks. In addition to players not being allowed to throw balls into the stands, the fans will also be required to wear seat belts and not be allowed to unfasten them and leave their seats until the caution light is turned off on the Jumbotrons, which will be visable from all possible viewing angles.  This condition is temporary until monitors are installed at every seat. 

    Eventually, stadiums will upgrade so that transparent megaton-bomb proof protective barriers are installed around the perimeter of the field to protect the players, coaches, and umps from physical and emotion harm and needless interaction with the fans. 

     
  5. You have chosen to ignore posts from Sheriff-Rojas. Show Sheriff-Rojas's posts

    Re: Wussball

    Like in Yankee Stadium, from your seat monitor you can pay for Internet access and there will be loads more opportunity for fans to order newly created stadium services, providing numerous revenue generating opportunities for the home team and MLB.  Among these will be a lottery where you can pay for the chance to obtain an autograph from a player.  A megalottery will also be available where you have the opportunity to have one personally inscribed. "To" and your name with a comma only, of course. 

     
  6. You have chosen to ignore posts from tcal2-. Show tcal2-'s posts

    Re: Wussball

    The new mandatory batting gear.



     
  7. You have chosen to ignore posts from BurritoT. Show BurritoT's posts

    Re: Wussball

    This thread sounds cynical - not my cup of tea.
     
  8. You have chosen to ignore posts from harness. Show harness's posts

    Re: Wussball

    In Response to Re: Wussball:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Wussball : To protect the fans, clear partitions ala jai alai, will separate fans from on field activities and play.
    Posted by SinceYaz[/QUOTE]

    Yes. Each seat will allow fans a monitor into cyberfantasy.
    If they don't like a call, they can play it out in a different scenario.
    No fan should have to pay 1/3 their yearly salary and have to experience their team losing the contest.

    By then, I doubt many of us will be able to distinguish life's realities from our own.
    So, attending games would be marketed by mental health advocates.
     
  9. You have chosen to ignore posts from notin. Show notin's posts

    Re: Wussball

    In Response to Re: Wussball:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Wussball : To protect the fans, clear partitions ala jai alai, will separate fans from on field activities and play.
    Posted by SinceYaz[/QUOTE]

    In order to protect players from the crazy fans, fans will no longer be allowed into the stadiums.  Once they purchase their ticket, all fans attending games will be bussed to location a safe distance from the ballpark and permitted to watch the game via satellite.  They will only be permitted stale bread and warm water as nourishment, and will be repeatedly subjected to a live feed of Ken Harrelson's simulcast, even if they are not watching a White Sox game...
     
  10. You have chosen to ignore posts from harness. Show harness's posts

    Re: Wussball

    Geez Notin. That is a bit cruel. The Hawk Harrelson torture will detract from financing player salary via mass alienation. Perhaps using glass from the lower tier - as they do in hockey - and barb-wire where the glass petition ends...like a George Steele grudge match... This hockey/wrestling atmosphere may quench the appitite of blood-thirsty fans who will no longer be privy to brawls.

    One suggestion under scrutiny is banning or inhibiting any possible collision at home plate. This will be a concern going forward. Base-joggers at 3rd might require a written invitation from the opposing catcher.
    This would satisfy the right to marriage sector given the social requirement of the times.
     
  11. You have chosen to ignore posts from nhsteven. Show nhsteven's posts

    Re: Wussball

    No players are allowed to play in the All Star Game; just ball boys, ball girls, and elderly coaches. 

    Also, fans shall only be allowed to sit in the field level. Those with tickets in upper levels shall have to sit on the lap of somebody in the field level. So, if a 300 lb guy has to sit on a 6 yr old girl, we need to worry about the guy.

    If a player wants to throw a ball souvenir in the stands, it has to be a nerf ball. As a followup rule, HR Derby shall be replaced with a volleyball game; we don't want fans fighting in the stands over balls.

    No fan is allowed to go to the bathroom, Diapers shall be sold by concessioneers - at $100 each. No extra napkins OR condiments shall be part of the sale. No one is allowed to bring their own diapers to the ballpark.

    Any fan catching a milestone ball shall be immediately consulted by an E-bay representative. Donation of any such ball shall be a new felony statute, known as reverse theft of private property

    All ticket sales shall have an NBA surcharge, in order to save the poor NBA & their underprivileged players; surcharge can be claimed against your taxes as charity
     
  12. You have chosen to ignore posts from harness. Show harness's posts

    Re: Wussball

    In Response to Re: Wussball:
    [QUOTE]No players are allowed to play in the All Star Game; just ball boys, ball girls, and elderly coaches.  Also, fans shall only be allowed to sit in the field level. Those with tickets in upper levels shall have to sit on the lap of somebody in the field level. So, if a 300 lb guy has to sit on a 6 yr old girl, we need to worry about the guy. If a player wants to throw a ball souvenir in the stands, it has to be a nerf ball. As a followup rule, HR Derby shall be replaced with a volleyball game; we don't want fans fighting in the stands over balls. No fan is allowed to go to the bathroom, Diapers shall be sold by concessioneers - at $100 each. No extra napkins OR condiments shall be part of the sale. No one is allowed to bring their own diapers to the ballpark. Any fan catching a milestone ball shall be immediately consulted by an E-bay representative. Donation of any such ball shall be a new felony statute, known as reverse theft of private propertyAll ticket sales shall have an NBA surcharge, in order to save the poor NBA & their underprivileged players; surcharge can be claimed against your taxes as charity
    Posted by nhsteven[/QUOTE]

    This is quite plausible. I can see this being debated in the future wuss congress.
    Along side the legality issues of cloning Albert Pujois - and the pledge of allegiance to Bud Selig...
     
  13. You have chosen to ignore posts from nhsteven. Show nhsteven's posts

    Re: Wussball

    LOL, this thread is funny.
     
  14. You have chosen to ignore posts from ma6dragon9. Show ma6dragon9's posts

    Re: Wussball

    Normal bats and balls shall be replaced by their wiffle ball counterparts to ensure:

    -No more beanballs (though Jeter will still hang over the plate and dive into the dugout on inside pitches)
    -No more broken bats with ensuing shrapnel
    -No more unfortunate hops into players faces and/or groins
    -There shall also be industrial fans placed behind home and turned on at every swing to ensure proper HR totals (chicks dig the long ball)

    Before participating in bench clearing brawls, players must first put on giant inflatable novelty boxing gloves, and wait for the bouncy ring to be inflated.

    The bullpen car will be brought back into service to save players from a wholly unneccessary 200 foot walk (sometimes more!). And said car will also bus players to the ring for brawls, schedule to be determined by home team.
     
  15. You have chosen to ignore posts from harness. Show harness's posts

    Re: Wussball

    The bull-pen car must be a high-bred Lexus.
    I like the industrial fan placement. T-CAL's batter armorment can be used by these fans, with metal under-plating. They will double as contract labor to over-ride umpires who call check-swings.

    Disputed calls should have the following protocol:
    Participants must have taken at least 3 courses in anger-management.
    They must shake hands before and after the discussion.
    Dinner arrangements and wives/girlfriends get-together is mandatory if the dispute lasts longer than two minutes.
    Fans close to the field must be warned of potential unfriendly verbal exchange.

    Fans should also be encouraged to take social interaction seminars. This may be mandatory in some cases (aka the Nick Fardo services).
     
  16. You have chosen to ignore posts from nhsteven. Show nhsteven's posts

    Re: Wussball

    In Response to Re: Wussball:
    [QUOTE]The bull-pen car must be a high-bred Lexus. I like the industrial fan placement. T-CAL's batter armorment can be used by these fans, with metal under-plating. They will double as contract labor to over-ride umpires who call check-swings. Disputed calls should have the following protocol: Participants must have taken at least 3 courses in anger-management. They must shake hands before and after the discussion. Dinner arrangements and wives/girlfriends get-together is mandatory if the dispute lasts longer than two minutes. Fans close to the field must be warned of potential unfriendly verbal exchange. Fans should also be encouraged to take social interaction seminars. This may be mandatory in some cases (aka the Nick Fardo services).
    Posted by harness[/QUOTE]

    IF the dispute last more than 5 minutes, participants must swap wives for the duration of the series. If more than 2 participants are involved .. well .. I don't need to say anymore. This could be a real bonus to an older couple if an elderly and lesser paid coach gets involved in a tussle with 1 or more players. Players must be from an opposing team so there is no fowl play (only fair).

    Think of Don Zimmer.

     
  17. You have chosen to ignore posts from andrewmitch. Show andrewmitch's posts

    Re: Wussball

    Jeter dives into pitches on the inside corner?  No way man, he's perfect!!!!!!!!
     
  18. You have chosen to ignore posts from nhsteven. Show nhsteven's posts

    Re: Wussball

    All fans sitting in the upper deck must have a quickly ignitable jet pack; any mishap shall result in an entertainment extravaganza on the spot for everyone else. All mishaps shall be investigated. Any mishap deemed extraneous shall result in the fan being forced to view a peep show by Zsa Zsa Gabor (The 2011 version). If the fan is female, she shall be forced to view a Chippendale's style performance by Frank McCourt.
     
  19. You have chosen to ignore posts from nhsteven. Show nhsteven's posts

    Re: Wussball

    In Response to Re: Wussball:
    [QUOTE]Jeter dives into pitches on the inside corner?  No way man, he's perfect!!!!!!!!
    Posted by andrewmitch[/QUOTE]

    You really need to find another way to vent.  
     
  20. You have chosen to ignore posts from harness. Show harness's posts

    Re: Wussball

    In Response to Re: Wussball:
    [QUOTE]All fans sitting in the upper deck must have a quickly ignitable jet pack; any mishapshall result in an entertainment extravaganza on the spot for everyone else. All mishaps shall be investigated. Any mishap deemed extraneous shall result in the fan being forced to view a peep show by Zsa Zsa Gabor (The 2011 version). If the fan is female, she shall be forced to view a Chippendale's style performance by Frank McCourt.
    Posted by nhsteven[/QUOTE]

    I always wanted a jet pack, like Robinson wore in LOST IN SPACE.
    I'm unclear as to UTR meaning of mishap.Is this related to the jetpack?
    It sounds more like an intentional incident. Zsa Zsa circa 2011 is awfully harsh, even more so than Notin's Hawk Harrelson torture...I think.
     
  21. You have chosen to ignore posts from nhsteven. Show nhsteven's posts

    Re: Wussball

    In Response to Re: Wussball:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wussball : I always wanted a jet pack. Like Robinson wore in LOST IN SPACE. I'm unclear as to UTR meaning of mishap. Is this related to the jetpack? It sounds more like an intentional incident. Zsa Zsa circa 2011 is awfully harsh, even more so than Notin's Hawk Harrelson torture...I think.
    Posted by harness[/QUOTE]

    Do I really have to describe? Hint: It almost happened a 2nd time in a week yesterday. 



    Especially since she's an invalid.
     
  22. You have chosen to ignore posts from harness. Show harness's posts

    Re: Wussball

    O.K. I was on another train of thought. In the future, all current stadiums will be demolished in favor of rubberized closure to prevent such antics. In addition, alcoholic beverages will be replaced by simulation.

    Otis Campbell and Foster Brooks video will be a prerequisite.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYusPRre07k
     
  23. You have chosen to ignore posts from nhsteven. Show nhsteven's posts

    Re: Wussball

    In Response to Re: Wussball:
    [QUOTE]O.K. I was on another train of thought. In the future, all current stadiums will be demolished in favor of rubberized closure to prevent such antics. In addition, alcoholic beverages will be replaced by simulation. Otis Campbell and Foster Brooks video will be a prerequisite. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYusPRre07k
    Posted by harness[/QUOTE]

    How about a force field like in LIS & ST?
     
  24. You have chosen to ignore posts from harness. Show harness's posts

    Re: Wussball

    Do force fields exist? I always attribute such barriers to stupidity.
     
  25. You have chosen to ignore posts from nhsteven. Show nhsteven's posts

    Re: Wussball

    IDK
     

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