Getting personal in the lab

Author: By Chet Raymo

Date: MONDAY, February 8, 1999

Page: D2

Section: Health and Science

As a Valentine's week service to our readers, this column again offers personal ads from science and technology professionals. Herewith, more cries from the hearts of the white-coated lovelorn:

Wealthy, successful hardware developer, DWM, 55, seeks thirtyish software professional for lovebytes, timely backups, and possible long-term relationship. Must be Y2K compliant.

Attractive blond primatologist, 36, featured on own National Geographic special, seeks alpha male to share gorilla stakeouts in the African rain forest. Please, well-groomed vegetarians only.

Livewire electrical engineer, SBF, 38, tired of blown fuses, looking for a man who knows a volt from an ohm, with 50-amp breakers and kilowatts of pep. I know you're out there. Let's make sparks.

Consulting psychologist, 48, thrice divorced but still believes in true love. Looking for tall, shapely, full-busted, childless, non-garrulous, city-loving, sexually-adventurous, agnostic, athletic, hygienic, non-drinking, non-smoking, tidy, blue-eyed blonde, 25-35, with no hang-ups. Good legs a must.

Stars in your eyes? This heavenly DWF astronomer, 42, with stellar personality and dilated pupils, knows that somewhere on this planet is just the man she is looking for. I can focus on essentials; can you? It will help if you are home in the afternoons.

Handsome techno junkie, GWM, 28, loves gadgets, but tired of virtual reality. I'll bring the computers, cell phones, personal organizers, cable modems, scanners, digital cameras, Internet service provider, and subscription to Wired magazine. You supply the wine, music, romance. Is it possible?

Let's splice. Fit, attractive, healthy geneticist at prestigious university, SWF, 37, biological clock ticking, seeks fit, attractive, healthy, intelligent SWM, 25-45, for . . . who knows? Let's see what happens. Photo and chromosome scan appreciated.

Excellently attractive, romantic Russian space scientist, SWM, 44, lives and works in Novokuznetsk, Siberia, seeks female American space scientist/engineer, any age, for pen pal relationship. Please send photo, 3.5-inch floppy disks, SR47 batteries, 74LS107 chips, carbon paper.

Gentle, generous, loving, attractive and lonely herpetologist seeks woman who will love me and my collection of snakes. I have boas, vipers, kraits, mambas, files, warts, and a gentle, generous, loving, attractive and lonely nine-foot reticulated python that you will love too. Please respond. Please.

Harvard-educated PhD linguist wants to whisper sweet nothings in your ear. Fifty-ish professor seeks special lady for quiet walks on beaches, maybe more. Are you adorable, beautiful, a cutie full of charms? Delightful, exciting, a feather in my arms? Words cannot describe my longing.

Tall, dark and handsome parapsychologist, DBM, 48, knows what he is looking for and feels your vibes. Do you feel mine too? Let's put this extrasensory stuff behind us and get down to business. You know where to find me. Please call.

Can't forget those Swedes. Nobel-prizewinning chemist, DWM, 63, has money in the bank and an empty place in his heart. Seeks tall, blond, blue-eyed Viking for Bergman movies, Ibsen plays, cross-country skiing, sauna, vodka and birch lashes. GSOH a plus, but not necessary.

Please thaw my icy heart. Attractive SJF climatologist, 37, has been out in the cold too long. Time for a little global warming. If you fit the bill, you are a chain-smoking rain forest lumberjack, 35-45, who loves the sound of internal combustion. Baby, let's set the world on fire.

38-24-36. Drop-dead gorgeous SWF theoretical physicist, specialist in hyperdimensional relativistic quantum cosmology, is tired of being considered just another brain. Looking for a sweet nonintellectual hunk who will love me for my physical qualities. Photo required.

Microchip designer, SWM, 38, still seeks petite beauty.