I’m a golden white cake in the snack-addicted United States.

I lifted America through the Great Depression.

I built bakeries and factories. I created jobs.

I joined Facebook, darn it.

Polls had me pulling ahead.

They said there was no way a perfectly groomed treat like me could lose.

It’s not my fault that 47 percent of America wants some wheaty lefty cholesterol-freebie.

I earned my success. I did the 100-calorie thing, shed my transfats.

Of course, there were places I could not compromise: high fructose corn syrup.

Did this anger Ohio?

I know how to run a business, to run a country.

And it’s not handing out gifts.

Not even to the workers who make me.

You know who says, “Better days are ahead.”