Life after LuluPage 4 of 6 -- Shortly before she died, Lulu's class had been asked to draw a picture of what they wanted to be when they grew up. Lulu drew a stick figure of Gretchan. "My Mommy," she had the teacher write under it.
"I feel I have to be the best woman I can be, for her and for me," Gretchan says. "It would be so easy sometimes to curl up and die. But I feel it would be doing Lulu the worst disservice. I wouldn't be honoring her at all." Indeed, the couple has two good reasons for getting out of bed each morning: Drew and Dylon. "Thank God for the boys," says their mother. They are 12 now, and though they don't talk about Lulu's death, they do like to talk about Lulu, who called them "my guys." They talk about how they'd push her on her Big Wheel or their skateboards. About her love of Cheetos and how she ate parmesan cheese by the handful. About how she was learning to swing and loved to walk on her tiptoes. Though each boy wants his own bedroom, they would not dream of taking over Lulu's. Her bed remains piled with Barney and Lambchop and dolls. The sheets have not been changed since she left that day for the beach. Her pajamas are tucked under the pillow. "I can still smell her," says Gretchan, holding the flannel nightgown to her nose. "When she had a fever, she smelled like burnt cotton candy." Whenever friends bring their kids over, Gretchan invites them to Lulu's room to play. "It's a way of celebrating her energy and her things," she says. Recently, Lynn Bliss's 5-year-old daughter -- like Lulu, blond and blue-eyed -- sat on the floor and played with Lulu's dollhouse, along with Gretchan. "Do you want to be the mommy or the baby?" Gretchan asked. Though it can be painful, she says she feels joy in the presence of little girls. Lulu's room has had a healing role in another way, too. A year ago, Gretchan moved a desk in, and it is now the home of Lulu Belle Books, which recently published "Lulu's Rose Colored Glasses." It's the story of the gray, cheerless March day before Lulu died, as seen through a child's hopeful prism. On the back is a photo of the entire family with the words: "Real love stories never have endings." Perhaps more than anything else, the book has helped mend the Pyne family. "A little girl taught me that the world is how you choose to see it," says Gretchan. "I can choose to be depressed, miserable, grumpy, and horrible. Or I can choose to fight my way back and find happiness again." Whenever she signs a book, she writes Lulu's name next to hers. The book quickly became a family project. Warren was in charge of finding the rose-colored glasses that would be tied to each one. They hired a Brockton company to print the book, which is illustrated by Anne Carrozza-Remick, a friend of Gretchan's. Then the women went knocking on bookstore doors, looking for shelf space. Some told them they didn't sell self-published books. But a surprising number -- from small independents to giants like Barnes & Noble -- said yes. Their first thousand books sold out quickly, and another 3,500 are nearly gone. Continued... |
