On Sunday, the Patriots are set to play the Denver Broncos for the AFC title. Because you can’t yell at your TV the entire game, here are seven things to discuss during commercial breaks.
1. You can smoke pot in Denver. If you haven’t heard, as of January 1st, anyone over the age of 21 can buy marijuana in Colorado. You don’t even have to pretend to have a backache or SARS or anything! You can only buy an ounce, but still. And if you’re visiting Colorado, say for a football game, but don’t have a Colorado ID, you can only buy a quarter ounce (at a time). Meanwhile, Boston doesn’t even have happy hour.
2. Denver’s newspaper has a full-time marijuana editor. Which has to be among the best business cards of all time. Upon being appointed to the new post, Ricardo Baca was asked (by the newspaper that hired him) if he smokes pot. Baca responded by saying his previous job was covering music festivals but that he has “never been a full-on stoner.” Which is a smart way of saying ‘yes.’
3. The Denver airport is creepy. Conspiracy theorists allege that a 360,000 square foot bunker was built beneath the airport. The theory proposes that this bunker, which may or may not exist (probably doesn’t), would house the country’s rich and powerful in the event of a meteor strike or similar catastrophe. Also, artwork on display at the airport includes a 32-foot horse statue complete with scary red, glowing eyes and paintings depicting bizarre scenes of biological warfare. Which is exactly what you want to see when you’re about to board an airplane.
This seems like a great place to avoid if you’re high. Or to only go when you’re high. Tough call. The only thing not creepy about this airport is the Dunkin’ Donuts. And that was imported from Boston. So, you’re welcome Denver.
4. Some people say that the cheeseburger was invented in Denver. Some people say it was not. (Other locales claiming the cheeseburger invention as their own include Pasadena, California and Louisville, Kentucky.) And to be clear, no one is saying that Denver invented the actual hamburger or cheese. Just the cheeseburger. Some say that back in 1935, a Denver drive-in restaurant trademarked the term “cheeseburger,” but even that has been disputed.
And in the end, Denver still named their NBA team after a breadcrumb coated meat-like substance loved by toddlers everywhere.
5. Denver is the only city to ever get the Olympics and then back out. In 1972, the city was poised to host the 1976 Olympic Games. But they got cold feet and backed out. Boston hasn’t had the Olympics, but there’s increasing discussion about a possible 2024 bid, and we sure as hell wouldn’t back out if we got the chance.
6. Streets in Denver are laid out on a convenient grid. This is helpful since most of the population spends most of their time high. Streets in Boston were laid out in an inconvenient and incomprehensible grid, based on streams, deer paths, and a complete lack of urban planning, which is fine because the city is chock-full of courteous and responsible drivers who aren’t allowed to smoke pot for fun.
7. Denver has a lot of baby boomers. Boston has a lot of young people. Wouldyou rather be surrounded by a bunch of drunk millenials or a bunch of high baby boomers?
Comments? Personal knowledge of the alleged Denver airport bunker?
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