Glory tinged with sorrow

Widow, Patriots dearly miss quarterbacks coach Rehbein

By Jackie MacMullen, Globe Columnist, 1/31/2002

ew Orleans - Nearly six months have passed, a full football season of heartache and sadness, and yet, once in a while, it still happens.

The phone rings in the North Attleborough home of Pam Rehbein, and for a fleeting moment, she thinks, "Oh, that must be Dick."

Her husband, New England Patriots quarterbacks coach Dick Rehbein, used to call 10 to 15 times a day. "Sometimes the calls were really quick," Pam Rehbein said. "He'd say, 'Hi, I'm in between meetings. I love you. Goodbye."

Pam Rehbein never intended to say goodbye to her husband. They had just started decorating their new house. They planned a trip back to their shared hometown of DePere, Wis.

But, on a humid morning last Aug. 6, after completing a routine stress test at Massachusetts General Hospital, Dick Rehbein collapsed and died. The official cause of death was a condition he had been diagnosed with 13 years earlier: cardiomyopathy.

Rehbein is on everyone's mind this week as the Patriots prepare for the Super Bowl. Quietly, and without fanfare, the team dedicated its season to him. The Patriots also decided to leave the job of quarterbacks coach vacant.

Pam Rehbein and her two daughters left for New Orleans this morning on a private charter as guests of owner Robert Kraft.

''There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him,'' said quarterback Drew Bledsoe, who plans to seek out Pam before the game. ''Dick worked so hard and so long in the NFL and he never had a chance to experience this. I wish he was here with us.''

Rehbein, who regularly took medication for his condition, had not encountered any heart trouble in years. He was 45 years old, and ran four times a week. When the family went out to breakfast, Pam and the children loaded up on cheese omelets.

''Not Dick,'' Pam said. ''He'd have cold cereal with skim milk.''

Rehbein, a spiritual man, had thanked God many times for his good health, and his good fortune.

He accepted a job with the Patriots in February 2000, after eight years with the New York Giants, and was brimming with optimism after he met with Bledsoe, describing the quarterback to his wife as ''a phenomenal athlete, and even better person.''

But Rehbein had his eye on another quarterback, too. He was one who stumped noisily for New England to select Tom Brady with a sixth-round pick in the 2000 draft. He met with the kid and promised to help him become an NFL starter some day.

''He came home one night and said to me, `Pam, this kid Tom Brady is terrific,''' Pam Rehbein said. ''He told me, `He's going to be a household name some day, just like Bledsoe or Montana.'''

But Rehbein would not live to see Brady complete a pass in the NFL.

Pam and daughters Betsy, 16, and Sarabeth, 12, have followed this magical Patriots season closely. Bledsoe and his wife, Maura, have been constant sources of support, calling frequently, and offering their private luxury box.

It wasn't until late December that Pam Rehbein finally agreed to attend a game.

''It was difficult,'' she conceded. ''I was driving there, and I almost turned around.

''We watched the game, but we didn't. I kept looking on the field, expecting to see Dick there. We always loved the pregame game warmups, because we'd get there really early, and Dick would walk out into the stadium, turn to our seats, and wave.''

Dick Rehbein's effect on this Super Bowl team has been profound. He was, after all, the one who pushed to sign free agent receiver David Patten, one of the biggest surprises of the season. He was also a confidant to both Bledsoe and Brady.

''I know exactly how Dick would have handled all this,'' Bledsoe said yesterday in New Orleans. ''He would be my friend, first and foremost, and commiserate with me. He'd also be Tom's friend.

''But, when it was time to play football, he'd focus all his attention on the guy who was out there on the football field.''

As the Patriots' improbable season unfolded, Pam Rehbein and her daughters were drawn back into the team's inner circle. The girls were honorary captains for the AFC Championship game last weekend in Pittsburgh, and were greeted with hugs and tears from their dad's team, including a pregame squeeze from Brady.

Pam and the girls know their trip to New Orleans will be bittersweet.

''I am happy the team is winning,'' Pam Rehbein said. ''It keeps a little piece of Dick alive.''

Patriots coach Bill Belichick had given his staff a couple days off last August, so Rehbein and Sarabeth dressed in their workout gear and went to the gym together. Rehbein was running on the treadmill when, without warning, he blacked out.

''Sarabeth was on the other end of the gym,'' Pam said. ''She heard, `Man down, man down!' It took her a second to realize it was her daddy.''

Rehbein regained consciousness almost immediately, and walked to the ambulance under his own power. He checked into Mass. General, underwent a battery of tests, laughed, and watched movies with his family in between. The medical staff detected no serious problems, but based on his earlier diagnosis of cardiomyopathy, which had been detected in 1988, they scheduled a stress test for the following morning.

''I talked to him that Sunday night,'' recalled Charlie Weis, the Patriots' offensive coordinator. ''I told him I'd call him in the morning. He said not to bother - he had one test he had to do, then he'd be back at Foxboro for the 7 [p.m.] meeting.

''I'll never forget when they came in and told us he was dead. The hair on my arm stands up every time I think about it.''

Pam and Sarabeth were preparing to make the trek into Boston when a phone call from Mass. General interrupted their plans.

''I was getting ready to blow-dry my hair when I got the call,'' she said. ''They told me, `Pam, we've got a problem.'''

Rehbein had breezed through the stress test, but during the cool down period, he had blacked out again, only this time he hadn't regained consciousness. The doctors encouraged Pam to come directly to the hospital, but Pam was unable to locate Betsy, who was interning at Patriots training camp at Bryant College at Smithfield, R.I.

It took a Patriots staff member 25 minutes to drive Betsy home. By the time she arrived, her father was gone.

''It wasn't a heart attack,'' Pam said. ''It wasn't an electrical malfunction. His heart just stopped, and they couldn't get it going again.''

Pam Rehbein sat and wept with her two daughters on the front lawn of her house, in a neighborhood where she knew hardly anyone. Within hours, the phone was ringing; first Bledsoe, then Brady, then third-string quarterback Damon Huard, then Weis, then Belichick, then Howard Cross, a tight end from the Giants.

The family shuffled through the ensuing days in a daze. The entire Patriots team attended Dick Rehbein's service, in addition to the entire New York Giants team, which had been training in Massachusetts for an exhibition game against New England. Both clubs presented Pam Rehbein with autographed helmets.

After the service, she walked into her house, the helmets by her side. Dick had always refused to display any football memorabilia in their home, preferring to keep his personal and professional life separate. Pam Rehbein took the helmets, and tucked them behind the sofa.

Within days, Bledsoe and Weis had set up a scholarship fund for Betsy and Sarabeth.

The football tributes were touching, but reality was far more frightening. Pam Rehbein was 40 years old, without a degree, and, she was informed, her health insurance would run out in 30 days.

''I was in Sarabeth's school, talking to the assistant principal, Shelia Fisher, making sure they'd keep an eye on her for me,'' said Pam. ''That's when Shelia said, `And who is keeping an eye on you?'''

Pam Rehbein dissolved into tears. Fisher told her there was a position open for a special needs teacher with benefits that did not require a degree. Twenty days after burying her husband, Pam started her new job.

About three weeks ago, Pam Rehbein pulled the autographed helmets from behind the sofa, took a deep breath, and displayed them prominently in her family room. She also placed a large photograph of her husband, the coach, over the mantel.

Six months have passed, and some days are harder than others. The family dog, Sugar, has finally stopped looking toward the door, waiting for Dick to walk through and scoop him up in his arms.

''I miss the telephone calls,'' Pam Rehbein said. ''I miss him kissing me goodbye in the morning. He always prided himself on being so quiet when he left the house. The only time I ever stirred was when he kissed me goodbye.''

Regardless of the outcome of Sunday's Super Bowl against St. Louis, the Patriots will hire a new quarterbacks coach next season. ''That will be hard for us,'' Pam conceded.

Win or lose, New England's coaches and players will pack their gear and head home knowing there is always next year.

For coach Dick Rehbein and his grieving family, there will never again be any such thing.